Oh NO! Another RACE!

Crap! Why did I choose to do anther 5K 3 days after that 4Th of July race during one of my busiest work weeks???
Oh yeah, because I'm hardcore. Or crazy.
There were great things about this race: it was 5 minutes away from my house, it was at 7 pm!, it was going to be fun! (?), and it was right next door to an awesome bar! PARTY! Oh AND my Dad, Huz and Best friend were all coming to cheer my slow ass on.
The bad things? Oh, it was 95 degrees, no lie. I was a bit exhausted. I had lots of excuses which I told to shuttup.
I ate my pretzels and ginger, consumed my 6Th bottle of purple Gatorade, took off 98% of my clothing and got ready to start. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the familiar buff physique of ABS. NOOOO! I knew that she was going to try to pull me into her web of lies and make me run the first mile way to fast so I tried to get as far away from her as possible. Unfortunately she is very nice and wanted to talk to me and stuff, like normal people instead of the superwoman that she clearly is. Luckily, I was able to escape before she used her powers to make me forget to run the first mile in 8 minutes.
At the start I was very confused about my new IPod, which I had had pretty good luck with at the 4 miler. I could not figure out where the little button was to change the play list which was very annoying. Right before the gun sounded I came to the bothersome realization that I had the wrong earbuds and that they did not have the controls on them. I was stuck listening to the most sucktastic playlist EVAH. I almost shut it off but remembered how much I hate the sound of my own labored footsteps.
I had an OK start and watched as a lot of people hit their turbo buttons in a way that must have been dreadful for such a horrible hot evening. I watched Abs run away like a muscular gazelle and let her- I had no desire to chase her on this particular day.
I did the first mile in exactly 8 minutes, despite having a very poorly mannered woman invade my space to the point that I felt she was trying to elbow me. I chose to ignore her and move over, only to have her move to my exact location. I was not pleased about this but decided to take the high road and ignore her terrible etiquette. I had a good laugh when just after the first mile she came to a complete halt, never to be seen again. (not true. I saw her on the way back because it was an out-and-back course. She was laboring along terribly, and that is what she deserved.)
I ran in almost complete solitude between miles 1 and 2 and then started to gain on the leaders of the pack,. I run very well downhill so that is what I did, passing a few people on the way (there were about 125 people in this race- so it wasn't as much fun as passing people by the hundreds a few days before! But I'll take it- passing people always fills me with evil joy.) Coming into the last .2 miles I gained on and passed a few guys and saw one more passable person in front of me. "Watch our Mister" I shouted menacingly "I'm gonna get you!" "Uh-Oh" he exclaimed as I smoked his ass. 2 seconds later as I honed in on the finish line I heard him shout out "Don't count your chickens before they hatch, LADY!!" As he gained on me with shocking speed. We both shifted into high gear and had a hysterical race for the finish and GLORY (or a tie for 15Th place.. EPIC!) It was one of the funniest things ever and I loved it, although I most certainly should have beaten him soundly.
I placed 3rd for the ladies (Abs was 2nd, so she won this match!) and I won my age division and got prizes which was cool. Oh, and I finished in 23.33 which I was just fine with since it was 176 degrees out.
I was glad to have my friends there and we all drank beer after and watched the videos of the photo finish that everyone had taken on their phones. It was a damn good time!
And the best part? The photo finish was in the paper, on the cover of the sports section confirming that I have made it into the big time running leagues of greatness. (obviously.)