I had oh-so enjoyed my long and restful vacation from racing. The weather was so cool and pleasant that it was clear I would be able to resume my racing career with aplomb.
Back to reality. The summer weather had a firm grip on our area of the world and it was entirely dreadful. Like I have mentioned in my previous posts rest was not on the schedule in the least.
I once again awoke to the feelings of the stupid pre race butterflies on July 17Th and immediately declared shenanigans on them. Enough is enough you ridiculous creatures!! I declared war on them by chugging the purple Gatorade and inhaling mass quantities of tiny twist pretzels and ginger. I was growing weary of this hideous pre race happy meal but it never had done me wrong so I didn't dare change it up. YUCK.
At race hour the temps were already in the mid eighties and rising, and the sun was blazing down with avengence. Asshat sunshine... I was pretty excited though because it was not a loop, or out and back but a point to point course. I thought it would be fun to do something a little new. I was also excited becasue I'm awesome? And that I was more or less used to the heat... And that no matter what it was going to be a damn good time. YES IT WAS!
My Dad and The Huz came along per the norm as my excellent and very serious coaching squad. They were excited because this was an Old Home Day's race for a local town and there were exactly 3 things to look at. Which is 3 more things that our own town has at their Big Country Fair. Lucky them!
I saw Abs and gave her menacing looks and dirty glares. She was amused by this as well as afraid, due to my above average speed and super human acceleration... (actually, I did no such thing. I had a perfectly nice chat with her because I know how to act in public. So there.)
Once again I had trouble with my IPod. And then I had trouble with my watch. And THEN as I was trying to have a good start all the little kids in the world decided to stop in front of me to tie their shoes. GAHD! Just run!! Despite the clusterfudge I ran a solid but not insane 1st mile in 7:23.
It was hot like WHAT! The sun was so hot that I could feel it boring a hole thru my skull. I was fairly certain that from that hole my brain would pour out and then fry on the 4000 degree pavement. A pleasant image. Even though it was disgusting out I ran in a pretty strong manner and never got to the point of wishing to vom/die/call 911/pass out and hallucinate.
In the final mile of the course the route took us up a road, around a cone and back down that road to finish. I discovered that there were not a huge number of people ahead of me but enough so that catching the leaders was impossible. I passed by a man in spandex with a horrifying mullet, I watched Abs round the cone about 20 seconds ahead of me, and knew there was no getting her, I observed quite a few very creatively dressed people all somewhat ahead of me (I don't usually run in my jean cut offs- but maybe I should?) Realising that I should stop sightseeing and start running I did, made it to the finish and ended up into 26th place with a time of 23:14 which was better than the last race. I won my age division and got a hat. I think I should have won a car, a boat or something of significant value. Or maybe the whole Old Home Day's set up?
And the best part: Later that day my Dad, Huz and I went out for some dinner. At one point I saw something catch my Dad's eye in back of me. He pointed and it was Abs and her family. He said to her "HA! WE. BEAT. YOU. HERE." It was the highlight of the day and we all laughed very hard. (maybe you had to be there, but use your imagination! It was funny.)
Showing posts with label Abs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Abs. Show all posts
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Oh NO! Another RACE!
Crap! Why did I choose to do anther 5K 3 days after that 4Th of July race during one of my busiest work weeks???
Oh yeah, because I'm hardcore. Or crazy.
There were great things about this race: it was 5 minutes away from my house, it was at 7 pm!, it was going to be fun! (?), and it was right next door to an awesome bar! PARTY! Oh AND my Dad, Huz and Best friend were all coming to cheer my slow ass on.
The bad things? Oh, it was 95 degrees, no lie. I was a bit exhausted. I had lots of excuses which I told to shuttup.
I ate my pretzels and ginger, consumed my 6Th bottle of purple Gatorade, took off 98% of my clothing and got ready to start. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the familiar buff physique of ABS. NOOOO! I knew that she was going to try to pull me into her web of lies and make me run the first mile way to fast so I tried to get as far away from her as possible. Unfortunately she is very nice and wanted to talk to me and stuff, like normal people instead of the superwoman that she clearly is. Luckily, I was able to escape before she used her powers to make me forget to run the first mile in 8 minutes.
At the start I was very confused about my new IPod, which I had had pretty good luck with at the 4 miler. I could not figure out where the little button was to change the play list which was very annoying. Right before the gun sounded I came to the bothersome realization that I had the wrong earbuds and that they did not have the controls on them. I was stuck listening to the most sucktastic playlist EVAH. I almost shut it off but remembered how much I hate the sound of my own labored footsteps.
I had an OK start and watched as a lot of people hit their turbo buttons in a way that must have been dreadful for such a horrible hot evening. I watched Abs run away like a muscular gazelle and let her- I had no desire to chase her on this particular day.
I did the first mile in exactly 8 minutes, despite having a very poorly mannered woman invade my space to the point that I felt she was trying to elbow me. I chose to ignore her and move over, only to have her move to my exact location. I was not pleased about this but decided to take the high road and ignore her terrible etiquette. I had a good laugh when just after the first mile she came to a complete halt, never to be seen again. (not true. I saw her on the way back because it was an out-and-back course. She was laboring along terribly, and that is what she deserved.)
I ran in almost complete solitude between miles 1 and 2 and then started to gain on the leaders of the pack,. I run very well downhill so that is what I did, passing a few people on the way (there were about 125 people in this race- so it wasn't as much fun as passing people by the hundreds a few days before! But I'll take it- passing people always fills me with evil joy.) Coming into the last .2 miles I gained on and passed a few guys and saw one more passable person in front of me. "Watch our Mister" I shouted menacingly "I'm gonna get you!" "Uh-Oh" he exclaimed as I smoked his ass. 2 seconds later as I honed in on the finish line I heard him shout out "Don't count your chickens before they hatch, LADY!!" As he gained on me with shocking speed. We both shifted into high gear and had a hysterical race for the finish and GLORY (or a tie for 15Th place.. EPIC!) It was one of the funniest things ever and I loved it, although I most certainly should have beaten him soundly.
I placed 3rd for the ladies (Abs was 2nd, so she won this match!) and I won my age division and got prizes which was cool. Oh, and I finished in 23.33 which I was just fine with since it was 176 degrees out.
I was glad to have my friends there and we all drank beer after and watched the videos of the photo finish that everyone had taken on their phones. It was a damn good time!
And the best part? The photo finish was in the paper, on the cover of the sports section confirming that I have made it into the big time running leagues of greatness. (obviously.)
Oh yeah, because I'm hardcore. Or crazy.
There were great things about this race: it was 5 minutes away from my house, it was at 7 pm!, it was going to be fun! (?), and it was right next door to an awesome bar! PARTY! Oh AND my Dad, Huz and Best friend were all coming to cheer my slow ass on.
The bad things? Oh, it was 95 degrees, no lie. I was a bit exhausted. I had lots of excuses which I told to shuttup.
I ate my pretzels and ginger, consumed my 6Th bottle of purple Gatorade, took off 98% of my clothing and got ready to start. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the familiar buff physique of ABS. NOOOO! I knew that she was going to try to pull me into her web of lies and make me run the first mile way to fast so I tried to get as far away from her as possible. Unfortunately she is very nice and wanted to talk to me and stuff, like normal people instead of the superwoman that she clearly is. Luckily, I was able to escape before she used her powers to make me forget to run the first mile in 8 minutes.
At the start I was very confused about my new IPod, which I had had pretty good luck with at the 4 miler. I could not figure out where the little button was to change the play list which was very annoying. Right before the gun sounded I came to the bothersome realization that I had the wrong earbuds and that they did not have the controls on them. I was stuck listening to the most sucktastic playlist EVAH. I almost shut it off but remembered how much I hate the sound of my own labored footsteps.
I had an OK start and watched as a lot of people hit their turbo buttons in a way that must have been dreadful for such a horrible hot evening. I watched Abs run away like a muscular gazelle and let her- I had no desire to chase her on this particular day.
I did the first mile in exactly 8 minutes, despite having a very poorly mannered woman invade my space to the point that I felt she was trying to elbow me. I chose to ignore her and move over, only to have her move to my exact location. I was not pleased about this but decided to take the high road and ignore her terrible etiquette. I had a good laugh when just after the first mile she came to a complete halt, never to be seen again. (not true. I saw her on the way back because it was an out-and-back course. She was laboring along terribly, and that is what she deserved.)
I ran in almost complete solitude between miles 1 and 2 and then started to gain on the leaders of the pack,. I run very well downhill so that is what I did, passing a few people on the way (there were about 125 people in this race- so it wasn't as much fun as passing people by the hundreds a few days before! But I'll take it- passing people always fills me with evil joy.) Coming into the last .2 miles I gained on and passed a few guys and saw one more passable person in front of me. "Watch our Mister" I shouted menacingly "I'm gonna get you!" "Uh-Oh" he exclaimed as I smoked his ass. 2 seconds later as I honed in on the finish line I heard him shout out "Don't count your chickens before they hatch, LADY!!" As he gained on me with shocking speed. We both shifted into high gear and had a hysterical race for the finish and GLORY (or a tie for 15Th place.. EPIC!) It was one of the funniest things ever and I loved it, although I most certainly should have beaten him soundly.
I placed 3rd for the ladies (Abs was 2nd, so she won this match!) and I won my age division and got prizes which was cool. Oh, and I finished in 23.33 which I was just fine with since it was 176 degrees out.
I was glad to have my friends there and we all drank beer after and watched the videos of the photo finish that everyone had taken on their phones. It was a damn good time!
And the best part? The photo finish was in the paper, on the cover of the sports section confirming that I have made it into the big time running leagues of greatness. (obviously.)
Sunday, July 25, 2010
The day I learned many valuable lessons and killed my Ipod...
Spontaneity is not my middle name. Occasionally in non athletic or non work related pursuits I throw caution to the wind, leap of the edge of the proverbial cliff and rebel against the world (doing something WILD like staying up to the ungodly hour of 9PM! Oh crap, I'm a badass rock star!) When it comes to real life I tend to walk from point A to point B with nary a squiggle between. Those are my Type A, First Child, Scorpio, and clearly FABULOUS tendencies coming out.
I had a good solid plan for prepping for the 4 miler on the 4th of July. So nobody was more surprised than I when the week before I signed up super last minute for a 5K. In reality I felt obligated due to the fact that it was friends of mine who were hosting the event and it was for a great cause. I determined that it was my moral and civic duty to attend and do well so off I went.
The conditions were dramatically different from those on the day of my first race. At 9AM it was turning into a hot day and was quite humid (to add insult to injury.) The weather had been warm for a while so I felt fairly acclimated but in reality it snows for 11 months out of the year where I live so acclimation is relative. Relatively impossible... In perperation I removed every acceptable article of clothing and declared myself ready to run like a Kenyan!
It was a small crowd (57 starters) and I knew almost everyone. For no apparent reason I was feeling more nervous than usual which was absolutely ridiculous because this was not an Olympic event. Regardless, I had a pretty funky case of the butterflies which were most unappreciated.
Out of the group I honed in on one lady, a bit older than myself but in 100% better shape. She was buff like WHAT! She had abs of steel and was clearly a very advanced runner who was going to be impossible to catch. She made me feel skinny and pale.....
The small gathering of future marathon champions got off to a nice start, myself included. Abs was leading the pack like some kind of tiny woman on futuristic steroids and due to my odd case of nerves I was just behind her in the leading bunch of people. My adrenaline carried me thru the first mile at a sickening 6.03 which made me feel very worried.
At mile 1.5 Abs and I were running elbow to elbow and were hot on the heels of the (male) leaders (no catching them... jerks...) I was definitely feeling the unpleasant side effects from my retardedly brisk start and had a feeling that Abs wasn't faring all that much better. The humidity was shockingly intense and the course which had looked elementary on paper was starting to feel like a sprint up Mt. Everest.
I got about 3 steps in front of Abs and hit the most ridiculous brick wall that I had ever felt. It was horrible and I hated everything about it, despised running, and thought that vomming, passing out or stopping was the wisest choice. None of which transpired because I'm insane.
I soldiered on. My inner monologue became very disjointed and bizarre. Things were just a bit.... Off. I determined that I had hit a large and mysterious piece of plastic wrap and it was doing its damndest to stop me, or to cause me to suffocate in a slow and painful manner. Egads!
Somehow despite the fact that miles 2-3 took me 9 minutes each I managed to squeak thru the finish line 3 seconds ahead of Abs and secure the 1st place ladies finish. (later to find out that Abs was a super nice lady and indeed, a very good runner who I managed to catch on an off day.) My finishing time was 23:19 which was fine considering the Hell that I passed thru getting there.
Bottom line, I learned several valuable lessons on this day of Doom which made me revise my plan for the 4 miler.
Lesson 1: Stop running like a chicken on crack for the first mile. Just Stop. Can't do it.
Lesson 2: What I was eating for breakfast- which was my "go to"meal of choice in my other sport was not gonna cut it for running.
Lesson 3: My Uncle Who Runs told me to cowboy up and pre-hydrate, a concept which I had believed to me mythical. (and will later prove to NOT be.)
Lesson 4: Don't bother trying to catch Abs, she is one fast Mo' Fo'.
And the moral of the story: As miserable as I was running (and continued to be throughout the day, alternating wishing to drink water and then to vom it back up) I was glad I did this little outing before the Big Race on the 4th. However, the worst part of the day was not getting dehydrated to the point of fricking hallucination but the sudden death of my beloved Ipod Nano that I had had since 2005. Evidently I sweat so much that I killed the little bugger... I was most disturbed since I refuse to run without music as I can not deal with the sound of my pokey footfalls and labored breathing. I dropped it in a dish of rice in an attempt to draw the sweat out of it to no avail. Since I did not need an Ipod that is also a phone, dvd player, maid, and kitchen sink I ordered (sadly) a pink shuffle... Will I like it? Wait to find out...
I had a good solid plan for prepping for the 4 miler on the 4th of July. So nobody was more surprised than I when the week before I signed up super last minute for a 5K. In reality I felt obligated due to the fact that it was friends of mine who were hosting the event and it was for a great cause. I determined that it was my moral and civic duty to attend and do well so off I went.
The conditions were dramatically different from those on the day of my first race. At 9AM it was turning into a hot day and was quite humid (to add insult to injury.) The weather had been warm for a while so I felt fairly acclimated but in reality it snows for 11 months out of the year where I live so acclimation is relative. Relatively impossible... In perperation I removed every acceptable article of clothing and declared myself ready to run like a Kenyan!
It was a small crowd (57 starters) and I knew almost everyone. For no apparent reason I was feeling more nervous than usual which was absolutely ridiculous because this was not an Olympic event. Regardless, I had a pretty funky case of the butterflies which were most unappreciated.
Out of the group I honed in on one lady, a bit older than myself but in 100% better shape. She was buff like WHAT! She had abs of steel and was clearly a very advanced runner who was going to be impossible to catch. She made me feel skinny and pale.....
The small gathering of future marathon champions got off to a nice start, myself included. Abs was leading the pack like some kind of tiny woman on futuristic steroids and due to my odd case of nerves I was just behind her in the leading bunch of people. My adrenaline carried me thru the first mile at a sickening 6.03 which made me feel very worried.
At mile 1.5 Abs and I were running elbow to elbow and were hot on the heels of the (male) leaders (no catching them... jerks...) I was definitely feeling the unpleasant side effects from my retardedly brisk start and had a feeling that Abs wasn't faring all that much better. The humidity was shockingly intense and the course which had looked elementary on paper was starting to feel like a sprint up Mt. Everest.
I got about 3 steps in front of Abs and hit the most ridiculous brick wall that I had ever felt. It was horrible and I hated everything about it, despised running, and thought that vomming, passing out or stopping was the wisest choice. None of which transpired because I'm insane.
I soldiered on. My inner monologue became very disjointed and bizarre. Things were just a bit.... Off. I determined that I had hit a large and mysterious piece of plastic wrap and it was doing its damndest to stop me, or to cause me to suffocate in a slow and painful manner. Egads!
Somehow despite the fact that miles 2-3 took me 9 minutes each I managed to squeak thru the finish line 3 seconds ahead of Abs and secure the 1st place ladies finish. (later to find out that Abs was a super nice lady and indeed, a very good runner who I managed to catch on an off day.) My finishing time was 23:19 which was fine considering the Hell that I passed thru getting there.
Bottom line, I learned several valuable lessons on this day of Doom which made me revise my plan for the 4 miler.
Lesson 1: Stop running like a chicken on crack for the first mile. Just Stop. Can't do it.
Lesson 2: What I was eating for breakfast- which was my "go to"meal of choice in my other sport was not gonna cut it for running.
Lesson 3: My Uncle Who Runs told me to cowboy up and pre-hydrate, a concept which I had believed to me mythical. (and will later prove to NOT be.)
Lesson 4: Don't bother trying to catch Abs, she is one fast Mo' Fo'.
And the moral of the story: As miserable as I was running (and continued to be throughout the day, alternating wishing to drink water and then to vom it back up) I was glad I did this little outing before the Big Race on the 4th. However, the worst part of the day was not getting dehydrated to the point of fricking hallucination but the sudden death of my beloved Ipod Nano that I had had since 2005. Evidently I sweat so much that I killed the little bugger... I was most disturbed since I refuse to run without music as I can not deal with the sound of my pokey footfalls and labored breathing. I dropped it in a dish of rice in an attempt to draw the sweat out of it to no avail. Since I did not need an Ipod that is also a phone, dvd player, maid, and kitchen sink I ordered (sadly) a pink shuffle... Will I like it? Wait to find out...
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