How to maintain sanity within the chaos: Part one

My schedule/life has quite simply been in utter chaos this week!

Perhaps that is a touch dramatic, I suppose that chaos is pushing the limits of reality but to say that I have been exceptionally busy is an understatement. I, right now, am at the 100% limit of what I can manage business wise on my own without calling in help (and help has another job, damn her!)

An important side note: I AM NOT complaining about being busy!! Being busy keeps me in the black, keeps me entertained and from causing too many shenanigans and bottom line: I have a business and one must BE busy to BE in business. Duh. Come to me if you want an epic 5 year plan, because there it is right there. Boom...

I am NOT exaggerating when I declare that the weather has been outrageously horrific. Pouring down rain, 34 degrees with hail and (??) Thunder! 40 MPH winds. Imagine all nasty weather- minus tornadoes- and that is what we have had here. YUCK.

After my little run earlier in the week I have been kept away from the pavement due to the diabolical combination of all the things I just mentioned. Crazy, I tell you!

This has caused me to take a moment to reflect upon my priorities, time management (the weather) and of course, one of my favorite topics: Excuses VS Reasons.

In my line of work I hear a lot of excuses as to why things are going wrong, or not progressing as they should. It amazes me sometimes the balderdash that I hear pouring from peoples mouths as to why they have not practiced AT ALL between training sessions.

I don't like this. BUT, if improving is not your priority then fine! If someone is a casual equestrian then whatever makes them enjoy their time in the saddle is cool with me. BUT, if someone has serious competitive 9or other) aspirations and are still making silly excuses then I try to encourage a more workmanlike mindset.

I was wondering this week if I was falling into the excuses trap in my running life. I took a few points into consideration.

-I am a hobby runner. This will NEVER be a career move for me unless mediocrity and zero money ends up being something that I find desirable. Hmmm?

-I am NOT waking up in the morning saying "OMG! I'm gonna run today" and then spending hours procrastinating, whiling away my time on facebook, or otherwise avoiding the issue. NO, I am waking up in the morning going "HOLY S**tballs! I hope that I can find a second within the madness to eat meals and such!"

-I need to be sure to have my priorities straight. I MUST work (obvi) I MUST take the extra time during these Spring months to be sure that the horses who about to begin their competitive season are fully tuned up. And I MUST have time at the end of the day to see The Huz and Rufus. The Huz has limited patience for the way that my job keeps me away from the house as I came into the relationship with all that attached to me. He gets quite miffed if then I head out to run for 10 miles during the only time we have to see one another. Don't blame the guy one bit, I am (after all) terrifically entertaining to have around not to mention blindingly attractive and smelling of flowers.

My hope- which might be a wild fantasy- is to figure out how to incorporate a few days of running into the schedule. (weather permitting.) Balance is important.

Hello Race Report! Great Bay Half, in the Oh-Eleven...

Race report time! (pictures to come.... later...)

Good old New Hampshire... I seem to have darkened the doors of our neighboring State several times this winter all in the name of running insanity. This time for the Great Bay Half which was held in Newmarket, more or less on the water.

The weather was remarkably and unusually good. This left me feeling confused about what to wear and how to operate as I have not run in temps much above 32 for the past couple weeks. The high temp at the race was a blistering 55 degrees and despite the stupid wind felt quite balmy. Perhaps I am exaggerating slightly but compared to sub arctic mid 50's feels downright tropical.

I felt good! An extra weather related day off seemed to be just what I needed to get rid of the dreaded and unnecessary knee pain. I ate food, drank purple gatorade, donned odd layers including sunscreen and was ready to go!

There were lots of people there plus many cute puppies. Cute puppies = happiness and warm fuzzies in my heart.

The whole shebang got off to a smooth start despite the fact that there was a 5K running at the same time and that can make things frenetic. It was not bad though and I set what felt like a decent pace for what my legs and I had in mind. I overtook the 8:30 pace group before mile 2 which surprised me as I didn't see them at the last 1/2 until mile 11. I felt fine about this since my goal was to maintain about an 8:20-8:30 pace throughout. Evidently, I have an excellent inner Garmin as I don't actually have any way to measure my pace other than in my head. I am a real woman of genius apparently and seem to be fairly competent at pacing myself. (I am a real woman of genius in many other areas too, don't want to short change myself.)

Anywhoo. It was great to be running on a warm day! With friends (ummm, strangers but who is paying attention!) In a tank top after mile 3! All these exclamations do justice to how I felt. Just fine.

There was a rather troublesome stretch of dirt road. Not overly troublesome because of its surface but due to some never ending potholes which required some dodging and leaping. I had more or less fallen into pace with a good number of runners at that point and we all stuck together more or less, for a couple miles. It was hard to tell how fast the "real" runners were running because the 5K start had fuddled things up. Regardless, I certainly wasn't expecting to be in the top group of runners so I stuck to my arduous pace happily.

I missed the memo that this was a hilly course. I think the "Cool Running" blurb on the race casually said that over the past couple years they have designed a course with "10% fewer hills." 10% fewer than 100%? That's what it felt like. Have I mentioned that I train the hell out of the hills in my own town? Yes I have... BUT STILL. It wasn't that the hills were long it was they they were friggin relentless and JUST. KEPT. COMING. I was planning to pick up the pace a bit after mile 7 but the hell if I could what with the hills knocking me on my ass at every turn. I wasn't so much tired... As I was tired of seeing more hills. It was really pissing me off, to be completely honest. The other thing that was really grinding my gears was that for whatever reason the Shot Blok stupid things were NOT sitting well. Again, what the hell? I practice eating those little weirdo's all the time so shiz like that does not happen. It wasn't the best, and hiccupping slightly while I run kind of messes with my nice breathing rhythm.

Despite my trials and tribulations I soldiered bravely on, passing people here and there and feeling small twinges of victory.

Here is what I was thinking around mile 8-9ish.

THE GOOD-I'm at mile 8-9ish. Almost done? Almost done...
-NO PAIN!
-What a nice day
-Not feeling tired

THE BAD-I'm only at mile 8-9ish. WTF??
-Shot bloks feel like lead weights in stomach. bleech.
-Number is swooshing annoyingly. swoosh, crinkle, swoosh, crinkle. GRRR!
-Chafing under right arm. Must have a flabby bit there.

At mile 11 we came to the "out and back" part of the course (another thing that makes me cross. seeing who is ahead of me!) The front runners had indeed set a blistering pace- quite impressive. I don't feel like having to run that hard for 13 miles though, thanxxx.

Mile 12 was a sight for sore eyes, sore feet, multiple chaffed areas and an ever growing more uppity belly. At that point I was still pain free (as in, hip flexor and knees! yayyy!) and I knew I could make it. I had one more bizarre moment when my allergies got the best of me and I sneezed. I don't know if it was because I was running into a very strong wind, because I was slightly breathless or WHAT but the sneezed backfired and seriously chocked me. Yes, bizarre. No crap, I could not get a single breath of air in and was imagining a horrifying situation that involved me, the paramedics and some sort of tube stuck in my neck to give me air. Luckily, my imagination was far worse than reality as I quickly regained my breathing capabilities and got on with it. Not before several people managed to pass me...

I ran into town, thru the finish and saw that I snuck in just under 1:46. Found the Huz and tried to walk off the unpleasantness in mah belly. To no avail. I should have given up and lost my shot bloks on my shoes but I sucked it up and held back on the projectile vomming. I definitely felt dehydrated (stupid warm weather!) but for the life of me could not force anything down. I spent a couple hours curled up in some sort of sick, fetal position going "ewwwwww. ewwwwww. I hate myself" and things of that nature. eventually I was able to straighten up, gulp some gatorade and get back to life... In an attempt to fix me, as lack of food was certainly was playing a part in my lightheadedness we went over to Redhook. Our waitress said that she was seeing an awful lot of green hued runners who were announcing the probability of imminently loosing their lunches. I was quite pleased that I was not alone in my struggle... I suppose I could have won myself one of those coveted pukie awards if I had just hurled immediately upon crossing the finish line- I'll have to take that into consideration for my next race!

So, despite feeling green around the gills after the race I felt good about how everything went. It is better to hit the wall immediately upon finishing then to bonk at mile 6 (a good way to look at it?) I was super pleased with my time of 1:45:40, and to finish 215th- out of about 1200. I was 9th in my age group and the 47th placed woman.

So! I met my goal of shaving a bit of time off my last Half, not feeling the same pains and finishing strong. Now I have to figure out how to finish well and not feel like junk!

The official HALF MARATHON race report!!

Here it is! What you have all been waiting for! My official Half at The Hamptons race report.
Sorry this is a day late and a dollar short, Mr. Middleaged and I took a trip to Boston yesterday to freeze just a little bit more, look at the penguins at the Aquarium but most importantly to see David Gray in concert for the unpteenth time. One can never have enough of a good thing and this was the first stop on this particular tour so it was kind of a big deal. We are super fans!

Anyway! This is a running blog so on to what keeps you guys coming back for more....

Saturday was so windy that it was ridiculous. I told the Huz that if the wind kept up at that absurd rate for Sunday that running would be next thing to impossible. He and my helpful Dad assured me that not only was the wind goiung to die down but that the temps would climb to 30 for sure- once I saw their hairbrained theory backed up by meteorlogical excellence on TV I relaxed and took their word for it.

Well THAT was a mistake.

We left town at 6 AM and shoot, if it wasn't 9 degrees with the wind gusting at 45 MPH (I have a wind gauge, I am a GEEK.) I decided that FOR SURE things would be better on the coast since we all know that it is never windy near the ocean. All together now: HA. HA.

By the time we arrived in the desolate snow covered frozen solid wasteland of Hampton the temp was up to a primising 12 degrees. Thank heavens the wind was making up for the balmy temps and keeping the heat wave to a minimum, with that kind of increase in temps I was worried about heat stroke or similar.

Went in. Registered. Ate Fig Newtons. Listened to the race management apologise about the weather over and over and promise that if people couldn't stand it that a sweep vehicle would pick them up promptly and bring them back to safety. That wasn't scary or anything.

Got dressesd. Looked hot, per the norm. Wondered how the wind would affect the outcome of the whole situation.... Decided that I didn't care but wondered if I would need to be rescued by the paramedics after my feet froze to the ground.

As you can see from this picture I was feeling a bit worried about the whole shebang.

We all lined up in the gusting winds (but beautiful sun!) and BANG. Off we went. It occured to me that perhaps I'd stick with the 8:30 pace group but I lost them in the crowd because I was fighting so hard to run against the wind. Luckily, after the first 5K or so we came into a more sheltered area and the winds lightened up... It was rough!

I suffered from the coldest feet ever for about 4 miles but decided that it was a bit of a blessing because I could not feel my warts! Whoopie fricking doooo!

I felt good from the start despite the cold stupidity. What can you do, right? And running is a great way to warm up so off I went like the effing wind (haha. into the wind is more like it...)

Felt strong all the way to mile 6 then evaluated my condition to see if I was circling the drain. I was NOT, things were feeling pretty darn good at that point so I opted to continue on and not break my rhythm. I did throw a shot blok into my face at this point (I might not have mentioned that I chose these because they are easy to chew.) what did I find? The little sucker was frozen SOLID. I had to suck on it for about 10 minutes before I could get it down- ewwwww! I threw the rest of them down my pants and that really helped me to eat the remaining ones with much less difficulty. Meaning that they thawed.

After the 6 mile point the miles flew by so fast that I was a touch baffled. I had, for sure, picked up the pace a bit- my legs were cooperating wonderfully and I knew by mile 8 that I had it in the bag. Ummm, yeah. this was a good feeling.

Right around mile 10 I felt a little pull in my left hip flexor and "pop" ouch! I hip hoppidied along for a bit (refusing to stop, almost there after all) and it loosened up a bit but plauged me tremendously for the remainder of the race. This is when my mantras of excellence came into play in a big way. "You're almost there, idiot, keep moving your stupid legs!!" "Run, you stupid shit. You didn't run 100,000 miles to cry like a bitch at mile 11!!!!" were the thoughts running thru my head. Need a little motivation friends? You can arrange to have me come to your house and shout at you for a small fee and a slice of pie.

Despite the pain I had enough gas in the tank to really kick it up during the last 2 miles. I found and passed the 8:30 pace group (I told the pacer that I had been looking for him so that I could catch him and pass him...) I also passed about 56 people in the last mile. HAHAHA.

About to come thru the finish. Look at that huge snowbank! Look at my fashion! look at my "pain" face! I need a haircut!

DONE! Thank heavens! I have a hole in my arm sock!

Why do my cheeks look so chubby?

I was able to find The Huz really quick at the finish and celebrate my Excellence In Running. He was quite pleased that I had beaten my goal time because he was getting really cold and sick of hanging about in boring Hampton. Understandable. I felt good except for the pulled hip flexor which hurt like a screaming beeyotch. (I later threw a huge bag of ice on it- which leaked all over me making me look like I had peed my pants. ooops!) We finished up by saying hello to a few people that we knew and then grabbing an excellent beer. We love beer....

Beer! The ONLY way to rehydrate!

So! I managed to finish in a good time with 51 days of "training", no runs over 12 miles, 8 unscheduled days off and a Taper Tantrum for the ages. And I must say.... I CAN NOT WAIT to DO IT AGAIN!!!

Edited: Pleased to see that my 1:48:54 time placed me 13th in my age group. There is no denying that 30 something women are scary fast. And there were well over 100 ladies in my age division. Go me!

First race of 2011: Done and DONE!

2011 will clearly be a year of great success and unbridled fabulocity.

Not only did I finish feeling great, I did so in 47:51. What, WHAT!!

So yes, I did celebrate with reckless abandon, jump up and down, drink an extra beer and say "whoot whoot" many times much to the dismay of my very tolerant huz... Poor guy!

It was a kickass race on the most beautiful New Years day that I can ever remember having. At race time it was pushing 60 degrees, no wind, nice sunshine and fricking MAGIC people!

For once I have nothing to complain about (which is so rare that this day should be marked on the calendar as being epic/unusual...) Things were well organized, we found our way there with very little trouble (thanks to Ashley our Garmin) parking was free and withing easy walking distance, lines for numbers and shirts were well organized and the porta potties were only mildly revolting.

The course was beautiful and mostly flat- a little speed bump of a hill around mile 1 and 4 but pretty much the flattest thing that these old eyes have ever seen. I was thrilled! Even on the dreadmill I push the hill work so to have a flat course is like receiving a late Christmas gift. We were running on a pretty major road for several miles but the traffic was well managed and the crowds were noisy and supportive! Yay!

I held back like crazy for the first mile- it was around 8:30 and was then ready to push it 5K style. I really held back for the 1st half (it was the same course run twice) and my split was 24:52. Needless to say I had plenty of gas left in the tank and zoomed around a lot quicker for the second half. I don't think that anybody passed me after the first couple miles (I leave the 5K-ers to speed along and do their own thing. I knew chasing the bandy legged college sprinters would spell certain DOOM!) I felt GREAT and had enough juice left to pass people right up to the end. Unfortunately missing out on an age group award by 10 seconds (and where that girl was I do not know... She must have been invisible or so fast that she was a white blur of light? Hmmm.)

Anyway, I could not have been more pleased to see the timer reading UNDER 48 MINUTES!!! I thought that with months or years more training I might be able to snag a 48 minute 10K. To do it my first time out was fantabulous! My placing was 97th out of just under 600 which is just fine to me thank you very much.

There was free beer! Really pretty sparkly finishers medals! Free FOOD! A live BAND! I love road racing, it can be such a good fun time...

On the way home I got starving and was ready to chew off my own hand (unwise) so the Huz and I stopped at one of our favorite breweries for that infamous extra beer and I got an enormous spinach salad with a chunk of salmon the size of my head on top. I pretty much buried my face in it and didn't bother to surface for air until I was turning blue. Perhaps I am slightly iron deficiant of something (or maybe I was just crazy starving?) The Huz was quite pleased that a day at the races had turned into a mini pub crawl. He's not too impressed by this race thing. Gotta bribe him with beer.

So Happy New Year's to me, and to all of you out there on the interwebs! Let's all have a terrific 2011 full of health, happiness and good running....

No such thing as TGIF.... and other nonsense....

Most people look forward to the weekend, TGIF and all that jazz.
Me? I work like a fricking maniac on the weekends (and most days of the week too, because why be relaxing, seeing the Huz, eating, playing with the yellow dog when you can WORK!)
When Monday rolls around I'm typically quite relieved, especially now that school is back in session. During the summers my days are more typical- insanity rules Mon-Fri and then my weekends are a tad more laid back. As in, I might be coaching (or running a race, GO MEE) or spending 27 hours each day picking up the mess that the week has left behind and preparing for the mess that the next week is going to bring! This time of year brings madness on the weekends to the point where I don't have time to stop to eat (tragic) find my extra warm mittens (the horror!) or to go pee (not so awesome dudes.)

I had zero plans to run this weekend since I had zero time and was on my feet from the ass crack of dawn to the dead of night every day. After my death march of a run that you all heard about in my last blog I wasn't pleased- but managed a much improved 4 miles the next day.

Then?? My ankle started killing me. Which directly irritated my SHIN. What WHAT?? I had to reflect for a bit on my shenanigans and what I possibly could have done to myself that I had blocked out, forgotten, or just not noticed. My suspicion is that I must have given it a good twist when I fell in a hole.. Yes, I fell in a hole- so what? It could happen to anyone. Stop laughing. Yesterday I barely noticed it anymore but still could feel a twinge so I took all the doggies for a few miles of walking exercise, stretched that sucker out and crossed my fingers to get back in the running shoes today.

One thing I've learned this year: If something hurts in an abnormal way stay the EFF OFF IT for a few days (not taking into consideration the 1.2 million miles of moving around I do while working. That doesn't count.) I think it's better to miss 1 extra day then six weeks, DUH!

Counting down to the 10K on January 1st. Trying not to feel pressure/impending doom/flabby and unfit. In my epic "training plan" I listed "not getting sick or hurt" tops of the list as far as being prepared goes. Hopefully disaster has been averted.

Fall Foliage 5K update. OR: My Epic Comeback

I won't come right out and admit to it but I may have been toddling around my house for a few minutes on Saturday morning gloomily moaning about my upcoming race FAIL. Clearly tired of hearing my bellyaching my Huz said to me, with irritating and completely unreasonable logic "Really, if you think this is going to be such a mess why don't you just STAY HOME???" Looking at him in complete disgust I replied that that certainly did not make any sense, who would do such a thing?!, and that was not how I operated thank you very much!! (which he knows. but the man can only take so much of my agonizing before he can't take it any more.)

As is the norm around here my Huz and Dad accompanied me to the start of this (now infamous) race. They are a highly skilled, not to mention highly paid coaching team. The helpful words that come out of their mouths are priceless and without them I might not know to "Run fast because it's cold and we're going to leave without you..." Or "Hurry back so we can drink a beer." (wiser words were never spoken.)

Despite my dubious level of fitness and my firm conviction that the race was going to be pure embarrassment I felt better as soon as I took off my 145,000 layers and headed to the start. I lie, in reality I felt freezing, slightly horrified and concerned that my butt was going to sustain serious frostbite, or at the very least some serious muscular pain. I digress.....

I had a good start with none of the ipod or shoelace issues that I had been bothered with earlier in the year. A bunch of boys took off for the front and since I don't bother chasing people who run a 5 minute mile I trudged along and set a decent pace for my freezing self.

It was a fairly flat course, with a medium sized speed bump around mile 1.5 Since I regularly trained on the icy and oxygen deprived slopes of Mt Kanchenjunga this summer this hill was no big deal, even in my current flabster condition. It did get the best of quite a few runners though so at this point I was able to start passing people. Which I like. Since it was an out and back course I was able to see the competition heading back to the finish like as I heaved past the first 0.1 mile marker (noooo, it wasn't that bad.) This was the point that I discovered that I had passed all but one girl- but the lone lady in front of me was a solid 15-20 seconds ahead. Doooom!!

My breathing got a little heezy and wheezy around mile 2.5 which I blame fully on 3 things- my horrible out of shape cardiovascular system, the remnants of The Sick that I have had and the fact that the wind was whipping in my FACE at 60 MPH. No shit, I have never felt wind like that while attempting to run. It pretty much tried to shove me back along the race course, which was met with my frantic cries of agony as I did not want to run any farther then absolutely necessary.

As I sped wildly to the finish I could easily see girl #1 in front of me but didn't have enough gas left in the tank to even take a stab at chasing her down and kicking her ass. Oh well. Next time?

I did, however, have enough energy to showboat like a fool as I ran to the finish line- seeing that I was going to come in at no more than 23:00 got me excited! (what can I say, I'm a show off and not afraid to fist pump and shout WHOO HOO for myself. Yeahhhhh.) I probably need to stop carrying on like that if I am ever to be seen as a serious, highly competitive and feared runner. (pffft...)

The post race festivities were very cold. It's always fun to run in one's own town because you see your friends and neighbors and can catch up with them and all that good old fashioned small town nonsense that I'm so cornily fond of. Good times, good times. I was terrifically pleased to win a gigantic jug of maple syrup for my mind boggling achievements, and a medal as well which has been proudly hung in the best place imaginable (the bathroom. Yes, really.)

All in all a good day. I most definitely could feel a few sore muscles the next day- very unusual post 5K but this was an unusual race, so I'm not shocked. No big problems from the Shin Issue though which was my biggest concern.

I did run in a brand spanking new pair of shoes too- Mizuno wave precisions- which are the freaking bomb diggity thank you very much..

So. I'm back in the saddle so to speak and hope to continue forward with a good Fall of running. (please running Gods. please!)

Musings of a Middleaged Runner

On top of coping with my shin agony of hellacious doom, this week has also been a flashback to July of the Oh-Ten. Meaning? Hotter than the hinges of Hell. Quite dreadful, really and most uncomfortable to do much of anything in (oh wait. I have an outdoor job! one that requires feats of athleticism all the while dressed in the warmest clothing one can imagine. Unfair! I declare shenanigans.... on myself...) I digress.

I had a glorious, albeit painful on the front end 5 miler last Saturday. I did a very beautiful loop around one of the many lakes that my town is so proud of (and that our property taxes reflect, ahem.) No problem with that, which will lead me to my next post (to follow next week) about my final decision regarding a 10K in the Oh-Ten.

On Monday it was hot like WHAT so I retreated to the basement to pound out some elliptical training time. This was bad and not fun. I hate how that machine spreads my legs in ways that they/I protest about (perhaps I need to ask the Huz to post a guest blog on this subject?? Kidding, kidding....!) I found that despite the "low impact" of this activity my leg was more sore than it had been- most bothersome not to mention confusing!

I did another 3 miles on Wednesday morning as the sun attempted to rise around the smog, haze, whatever you want to call the stagnant layer of humidity that we are currently immersed in. I gimped pathetically for the first .5 mile or so and then fell into a pretty decent rhythm as my ass hat leg gave it up. No worse for it afterwards. I had my Sister do a bit of work on the leg the next day and the results were inconclusive- no obvious appalling muscle problem, she applied a lot of pressure to my various leg bones with only moderate yelps of pain from myself, and she declared a tentative diagnosis of a bone bruise. Hmmmm.

The past two days have brought more heat and unbearable humidity but the threat of a hurricane, much shin aggravation (which for whatever reason has faded to a dull background noise this morning) and a flare up from my ruptured toe tendon. I am giving the old bod a break until Monday morning when I will emerge from the ashes of my disabled list fire, and take on the world ready to kick some serious booty! (or. just not go totally lame again.)

More racing, whining, hot weather and ABS.

I had oh-so enjoyed my long and restful vacation from racing. The weather was so cool and pleasant that it was clear I would be able to resume my racing career with aplomb.

Back to reality. The summer weather had a firm grip on our area of the world and it was entirely dreadful. Like I have mentioned in my previous posts rest was not on the schedule in the least.

I once again awoke to the feelings of the stupid pre race butterflies on July 17Th and immediately declared shenanigans on them. Enough is enough you ridiculous creatures!! I declared war on them by chugging the purple Gatorade and inhaling mass quantities of tiny twist pretzels and ginger. I was growing weary of this hideous pre race happy meal but it never had done me wrong so I didn't dare change it up. YUCK.

At race hour the temps were already in the mid eighties and rising, and the sun was blazing down with avengence. Asshat sunshine... I was pretty excited though because it was not a loop, or out and back but a point to point course. I thought it would be fun to do something a little new. I was also excited becasue I'm awesome? And that I was more or less used to the heat... And that no matter what it was going to be a damn good time. YES IT WAS!

My Dad and The Huz came along per the norm as my excellent and very serious coaching squad. They were excited because this was an Old Home Day's race for a local town and there were exactly 3 things to look at. Which is 3 more things that our own town has at their Big Country Fair. Lucky them!

I saw Abs and gave her menacing looks and dirty glares. She was amused by this as well as afraid, due to my above average speed and super human acceleration... (actually, I did no such thing. I had a perfectly nice chat with her because I know how to act in public. So there.)

Once again I had trouble with my IPod. And then I had trouble with my watch. And THEN as I was trying to have a good start all the little kids in the world decided to stop in front of me to tie their shoes. GAHD! Just run!! Despite the clusterfudge I ran a solid but not insane 1st mile in 7:23.

It was hot like WHAT! The sun was so hot that I could feel it boring a hole thru my skull. I was fairly certain that from that hole my brain would pour out and then fry on the 4000 degree pavement. A pleasant image. Even though it was disgusting out I ran in a pretty strong manner and never got to the point of wishing to vom/die/call 911/pass out and hallucinate.

In the final mile of the course the route took us up a road, around a cone and back down that road to finish. I discovered that there were not a huge number of people ahead of me but enough so that catching the leaders was impossible. I passed by a man in spandex with a horrifying mullet, I watched Abs round the cone about 20 seconds ahead of me, and knew there was no getting her, I observed quite a few very creatively dressed people all somewhat ahead of me (I don't usually run in my jean cut offs- but maybe I should?) Realising that I should stop sightseeing and start running I did, made it to the finish and ended up into 26th place with a time of 23:14 which was better than the last race. I won my age division and got a hat. I think I should have won a car, a boat or something of significant value. Or maybe the whole Old Home Day's set up?

And the best part: Later that day my Dad, Huz and I went out for some dinner. At one point I saw something catch my Dad's eye in back of me. He pointed and it was Abs and her family. He said to her "HA! WE. BEAT. YOU. HERE." It was the highlight of the day and we all laughed very hard. (maybe you had to be there, but use your imagination! It was funny.)

I wish the 4 mile race was a 0.4 mile race...

I awoke on July 4th with the feeling of butterflies having world war 3 in my stomach. I asked them to please leave as they were terribly distracting and were not allowing me to tap into my calm, inner zen like qualities. Gosh!
The 4 mile race that I was gearing up to run is always huge event, attended by 2,000 people all of whom are in considerably better shape that I. Despite knowing in my heart that last place was inevitable I was quite excited, and (as my nerves calmed) feeling good about the big day.
Once again the weather gods were being bitchy and refusing to give me quality cold rainy weather. The nerve! Sunshine and happiness on America's birthday, BOO! The forecast was calling for record temps and horrible air conditions, all of which are so so pleasant for running in.
I had a very excellent plan for the hours leading up to the race (yes, I got up at 4AM. So what?) I ate a couple granola bars which was pure torture and reminded me of chewing on an old tire. I drove into town and picked up my number and shirt before the masses of tourists descended upon the countryside. I pounded a couple bottles of purple Gatorade in an attempt to pre-hydrate which was also torturous and made me have to pee like a Russian racehorse. Then I ate the glorious combo of pretzels (to carb load) and candied ginger (to calm the cartwheels in my stomach.)
My middleaged Huz dropped me off at race time in the middle of town along with 65,000 other screaming people, busloads of local campers, pomp and circumstance, and hullabaloo. It was all very exciting and I liked it very much. I'm a fan of that sort of chaos, to be entirely honest! The Huz drove away to escape the crowd of insanity and to get his Mom to come and cheer me on to glory, or splendid mediocrity!
While waiting for the race to start I was attacked my a huge chicken mascot who was clearly (to my mascot hating eyes) a rapist. I told him to get lost but he/it would have none of it, forcing me to perform pre-race stretches with him/it and making me cringe with discomfort but be thankful for the crowd (which would surely protect me should the giant chicken try some funny business...)

After much ado, chicken rape, and peeing in the woods we were finally off. I always get nervous in a big huge race with a gun to finish start- especially when I am in the middle of the pack and not close to the front ( I figure that 45 minutes will tick by as I struggle to reach that start.) I reminded myself of my vow to NEVER, EVER bolt to the front again and to stay calm and run like a granny. With this in mind the gun sounded and I was immediately trapped in a sea of slowly surging bodies, all of whom were miles taller that I am and much slower. I resigned myself to the fact that no records would be made in the first mile but that the traffic would demand that I put forth a slow start. (and it DID for an 8.23 first mile. YIKES!)
The course is a very hilly one and while I had never run it before I knew the roads very well. At the top of the worst hill, around mile 1.8 there is a little old shack. I knew that when I passed that I'd be out of the woods (or off the hill, I guess) almost to the halfway mark and free to pick up the pace if I felt like it. I had barely started up the mountain when much to my shock there was the shack! I rubbed my eyes in blatant disbelief (and joy! and the angles sang! and all was well in the world!) I was feeling great, running steadily, starting to pass people and almost half way there.
As the road sloped down towards the 2 mile marker all I could see was a sea of runners stretching out in front of me like (insert corny ocean of doom/ dessert of death/ impossible to conquer concept here.) But really, the people loomed out to the horizon like something that I just did not want to see. Knowing that I was 1/2 way there (at 16:08, making up time!) and having run thru a few refreshing sprinklers I decided to get down to business and pass some people.
That is exactly what I did for the last 2 miles. There is no doubt in my mind that steadily and methodically I passed hundreds of people. I ran calmly and serenely and maintained my composure like a real lady (um, yeah.) As I came into the last .2 miles I was feeling sweaty and glad that the end was near but also feeling well, coherent and not at all like calling 911. Excellent! (somebody snapped a pic of me running the last stretch and I don't lie- I really look like I just stepped out the spa or similar. Totally cool, calm and collected. Hmmm?!)
The finish was a clusterfudge of little a-holes trying to beat each other to the finish. Damn kids! Despite almost getting run over by a bevy of brats I managed to glance at the clock as I ran thru the finish- 31.20 which I was SO pleased with that I jumped up and down and waved my hands in the AIR! (not really, it was too hot.) Since my goal had been to finish in relative good health, in 35 minutes I was pretty darn pleased with my impressive athletic prowess.
My Huz and his Momma were super impressed and mopped off my sweat with a big old towel that they had been smart enough to bring. Then they walked across town with me and put me into the walk in cooler of my sister in law's store which was pure genius and I highly recommend.

I felt great, and was very pleased that the whole plan had worked (and propelled me into the stratosphere of elite running, soon to be world famous! NOT!)
I finished 238Th, 33rd for ladies and 2nd in my age group. I was very. very. very pleased.

The best part? My picture was in the paper the next day. With the rapist chicken! NOOoooOO!!!