In which I run badly and ride well....

Last week was a very slow week in the running department in oh so many ways.

I timed it so that my light mileage week coincided with my epic Floridian vacation. The bonus was that when I returned home it was even warmer than Florida so it did not break my heart not to have a long run on the schedule.

By FAR, it was the lowest mileage week that I have had in months. It was odd. I was hoping that it would resolve my shin shit/calf crap but it did not. **big angry sigh!!**

I am back to it this week with a 13 already in the books. A 13 which could be more correctly logged in as a swim as it was raining that hard. Legit drowning out there, needed goggles in a big way. I need to get my lazy butt back into the speed work routine so I'm going to plunk around the Wednesday 5K again, breaking more land speed records. ...or NOT as the case may be.... And there is a weekend long run looming on the horizon giving me nightmares.

I did manage to do a few productive things last week.

Other than just lounging around being awesome per the norm.

Had a horse show and managed to get both my boys qualified for Regional finals! Ohhh yay!

Mr B also got his highest score ever, which is much more remarkable then it sounds. I should now tell a long sappy story about how my coach pretty much kicked my ass this spring and told me to have a little faith in myself... Um, yeah. Sometimes I go there... Who doesn't? But this is a story for another day.

At the show looking dead sexy with some of my BFF's!!

Mr Chauncy, who was very good as well!

In which I go on Vacation.

So last Thursday I ran that super speedy 5K and snagged another worlds worst pic. Look at my race number flapping all around crazy. The pin ripped out in the first mile and it was mayhem from then on. Man, I am an attractive and friendly looking lady..

Hey- you who keeps tagging these on Facebook! Oh, you know who you are...
We might be fighting. There will be payback.
Ok I'm not mad anymore. But GAHD, my running pics suck...

Then last Friday I ran 22 miles over hill and dale, on a fairly warm day and was actually very pleased with the whole run. It took a while- I think it was about 3:06, I drank 5 bottles of water and was given Cheetos at mile 12 by a friend who lives on my route (thanks Pat & Cassie!!) Those Cheetos made me happier than they should have... But, I felt good. Good mindset. Moderately crappy left shin/calf but that's the story of my life right now. Honestly though- it was my best long yet and I'd like to wrap it up and put it in my pocket. That wouldn't be awkward or anything..

I think I managed 51 miles for the week. 

After all that it was time to go on Vacation with my sis and BFF!!

We went to Sarasota and were very, very excited.

We were NOT excited to get up at 3 AM and the following texts reflect on what happenes to us when we have an ass early flight.  

Oh I'm sorry, We are 12. Or maybe 5...



I got up to run early every day, and saw this. And this is good.
All my running sucked though.
My running sucked worse than it has in YEARS!!!!
Thank heavens for low mileage weeks.

Thank heavens that after crap running there was THIS!
We went to the beach EVERY DAY!
We sat on the sand and looked at the lifeguards.
Winning. At. Life.

I'm a dork and I wear dorky hats.
So what.
And big orange earrings (only in Florida!!)

This pretty much says it.
Kickass vacation with kickass people.

IT HAPPENED!!!

SUB FREAKING TWENTY BABY!!!!!!

By the skin of my teeth- in 19:59 but I WILL TAKE IT!!!

And this, after several epic declarations that there would be NO PR on this particular evening. Instead of my "normal" Wednesday 5K My Sister and I did the Twilight 5K. Bottom line, it's a great race and we have had several family members and close friends loose their battles with cancer in the past two years so supporting this cause means a lot to us.

But. It's a twisty, winding, narrow course with a freak staircase and a couple little hills. More of a challenge than scampering around back cove... Not PR friendly when you're chasing a fast time.

Before. Looking bright and non sweaty!

This was my sister's FIRST race since we ran that 4 miler together years ago. Since then she has had a pretty horrible series of back problems and has only just been able to return to running. So this was a big exciting day!

Bottom line, I had a good run. Not much more to say about that. I ran under the clock in 19:32 and since I started at the front of the pack I can't figure out where those extra seconds came from but who cares. It hardly shattered my Olympic non-dreams.

After I finished I ran back a ways and found the Sis who was still looking strong! We cruised along and she finished really well in just over 29:00- and since sub 30 was her goal she nailed it!



After: Looking bright and sweaty!

We should have stuck around for awards because I ended up being the 3rd overall woman and winning my age group. And, even better for my competitive nature, I snagged a top 10 overall placing with an 8th place finish. Um, hello? Who is this speed demon??

So definitely a solid race for both of us. I finally snagged the elusive sub 20 which makes me feel pretty legit. Not to mention the fact that I clearly looked super good doing it in my subtle and neutral outfit (look at us. it's like a genetic thing??) I'd say that my Sis is going to be afflicted with race-itis now that she's back into it and will be giving me a run for my money in the near future. We had fun!

Anyway... We drank a beer. High fived several times. Got chilly. And left to eat the biggest dinner ever because that's how we roll... The End.

In which crazy people do crazy things...

Where to even begin with all this madness??

After weeks of battling thru my long runs alone I was pretty damn pumped when my Big Pimpin Friend Danielle suggested that we slog thru 24 hellacious miles of torment together along with Sarah, the crazy ultramarathoner (in training...)

I was invited to crash her in-laws dinner party and since I'm always trolling for people to feed me I was absurdely excited. Also, Danielle's family is straight up fun.

There might have been some whiskey passed around.

Several times.

Oops...

But I digress. After teaching Chips the cat to do some amazing tricks (fail) and eating more dinner than I have in months (WIN) and then chasing the cat out from under the bed (tricky) dealing with a huge thunderstorm (scary) we went to sleep.

Oh, and after giggling, having pillow fights, jello wrestling, whatever else runner girls do on a sleep over (or not...)

The alarm went off and we saw this.
I think FML was the phrase of the hour.

We were very excited and thrilled to be hitting the road at 4AM. I might be stretching the truth just a little here. From the couch, Danielle's husband (who clearly has more logic than we do) might have questioned our sanity but we dismissed him quickly and went scampering off into the darkness.

So, after running for about 12 hours the sun came up and it was really gorgeous. Yay!

The three of us ran 8 or so miles and picked up Eric (how do you pick up a another runner? you kind of run by them and they sneak into your group. it works) He ran a few with us and then took off leaving us all in his dust... Jeesh... And I believe he had finished, eaten a few meals, biked 100 miles and conquered the world before we were even done. GAHD, I need to go back to normal person mileage! But I digress.

We ran for 34,987 hours and I discovered that Sarah keeps a whole days worth of food in her camelback. It was pretty damn amazing. She had a whole thanksgiving dinner in there plus a 12 pack of ice cold diet coke and she kept whipping it out and chowing down. Way to go there lady, I need you to follow me around and feed me from now on!

At mile 134 (or 18) Danielle had to run back home because she had real life stuff to do. She sprinted the last two miles at a 6:40 pace, putting us to shame. She might disagree with this but it's the truth...

8 miles to go and things were ok. 2 miles to go and the wheels fell off my bus. I am so horrified by the complete deterioration of my physical state that I don't wish to recall it because it's blowing my confidence all to hell. Bottom line, I was DONE. My legs were good but my vomiting-on-my-shoes reflex was definitely making its presence known and it sucked major balls. UGH.

Completely depleted I staggered incoherently back to Danielle's house, looking like my face had been eaten by zombies. I sat on her couch for 20 minutes and stared at her cat before I could even form a logical thought.

EFF THIS, was the first thing that came to mind..

UGH. I'm glad I have another 5 weeks or so because I have some serious work to do.

And Sarah, fresh as a daisy continued to run and completed a full marathon.

Dude, way to go (you are officially big pimpin to the max!)

Anyway. The next Day.

All was forgotten and I felt fine in the wake of my humbling attempt at distance running.

I managed to talk Angie into doing my recovery 5 with me. She's been doing a killer job at upping her mileage so this was a long run for her. She kind of hated it and we might no longer be friends. I kinda shouted at her for 3 straight miles to "Keep going, damnit!!!" Haha!

Looking good, per the norm.

Yesterday I felt good enough to take my legs out and tackle 13 hilly miles which, compared to 24, felt like a walk in the park. Funny how it's all relative like that...

So in conclusion:

-Runners sleepovers: Fun!

-Running 24: Not as fun....

Being done with 24?: Awesome...

Thinking about doing it again: Not as awesome...

My current confidence level for this upcoming Marathon: Fairly poor... Uh oh...

Another Crazy 5K Day

Damnit I hate 5K races!

And yet, I scooted back to Portland this week to amble around another silly 5K pain in my ass race.

Honestly, it's the only way I'm ever going to man up and do actual speed work. (evidently my Monday 6 mile tempo run @ 7:05 pace doesn't count.)

First of all, let's take a moment to reflect on the pic of the week.

I am not busting out a peace sign. I'm indicating that I'm the second place woman AGAIN. Time to speed it up woman, second place is the first looser!

I got picked on last week for my horrible race-face. So I upped my game and showboated, how do you like THAT haters??! (they will pick on me for something, regardless. you know who you are...)

Please note the dead sexy race garb. Looking good, looking good!

Managed another PR. 20:17
Hated my life!
I'm flying though, jeesh...

I was very happy that I snagged another PR because it didn't feel that awesome. Around mile 1.5 my head kind of said "well that was fun, let's stop now dumbass!" I had to talk myself into this one with my normal mantra of super encouraging words:

-suck it up and run faster you idiot

-if you can't manage 3 fast miles then you should hang up your damn shoes

and in the words of my (riding) coach:

-100% 100% of the time is the only acceptable option.

WTF? For realz? Like that's gonna happen!

BUT. I made it and was glad to stop. And then to start up again and run 8 more because I needed the damn miles! A car full of (what I assume were) High School kids (um, my target demographic?) honked and shouted "WE LOVE YOUR NEONNNNN" And I thank you, you don't wear an outfit like this to be demure and subtle... Snap!

In which we learn that 22.8 miles is long & hard...

Continuing on in a VERY Big Pimpin' Training plan manner I trundled on out on Friday afternoon to sneak in a 22 miler.

I'm not sure if one really "sneaks in" a 22 miler, being that it takes up a big chunk of the day, requires a certain amount of strategic planning and pre hydration nonsense. We all know that my "strategic planning" consists of items such as: "Can I take cookies?" "Why is my handheld leaking and do I care?" "what is the appropriate number sunblock for my ghastly ghost pale skin? and "who will give me beer when I am done??" When I had reasonable answers to those pressing questions I headed out. 

The Route. 22.8, please take note.

Unfortunately I had a few issues from the get go which made the run less than spectacular. I still have so much trouble hydrating on the go because I get a horrible side stitch that creeps its way up into my ribs. Very distracting ans usually results in feelings of anger. My handheld was leaking like CRAZY which baffled me- but honestly wasn't the only reason that I ran out of fluids at mile 8. (I was the other culprit for drinking, duh...)

Basically around mile 8 I realized that it was NOT going to be an easy run. At this point my legs were already feeling fairly crappy- which is really, really unusual as 8 is pretty much like a rest day. Complete strugglebus, UGH!  I was afraid that an epic mental breakdown was moments away... I really sucked it up and told my brain to eff off. So I took some mental notes of amusing things that happened...

Let's review:

-Got honked at A LOT. I have decided to deal with the shenanigans and play it up by showboating. World, you are welcome for all the awesomeness that I bring to the road Ahem.

-Some guy did a wheelie on his motorcycle RIGHT IN FRONT of me going about 180 MPH. I was scared and hence, not impressed. I don't think this falls in the category of "how to impress me" anyway. How TO impress me is a story for another day.

-I helped push a broken down car out of the street. Cross training??

-Got chased by a dog. AGAIN. Not cool...

-At mile 14 sent some texts. This was a good idea. Always good to get moral support from a friend (who just happen to be in a tub of ice) to push thru the pain and agony! Win!

-Ran into Angie's house at mile 18 to get a drink. And tell her that I was hurting and possibly going to hurl. FAIL!

 And now, all together, let's take note of the fact that I am clearly violently against posting pictures of myself that are anything less than horrifying. It makes me laugh.


After putting in the final 4.8 (and did I ever hate that 0.8) I face planted in her lawn.
I. WAS. DONE! 22.8. In the books...

Despite the general agony of the day and not feeling so great AND trying to go slow my pace was still 8:30. After drinking a giant bottle of water and eating an entire sleeve of crackers I felt better.

And had a beer. Thank you.

It took a few minutes to get up.
I said the eff word VERY MANY times.
Because when prone on the lawn why wouldn't one drop righteous F-bombs?

I went home and threw on my sexiest socks.
Then put legs up a wall, then in a bucket of ice.
Because that is what cool people do on a Friday night.

I'm glad that I got another long run in and didn't expire in the process. I'm pleased that my head space didn't take a horrible turn towards "OMG I SUCK I'm GONNA DIE I HATE EVERYTHING" for more than an hour or two a minute. I'm thrilled that my fashion is fab enough to inspire many people to whoot and honk at me... And I'm glad that I didn't get run over by that tool on his motorcycle.

The End.

Fast 5k. Worst picture EVER.

I ran a 5K on Wednesday because I love 5K's like fat kids love cake because I need some kinda speed work other than the TRACK. 5K's keep me honest because you just can't be a lazy sloth at all, you have to man up and run like hell unless you want to get last. And I do not want to get last..

Basically when I run a 5K I'm SO scared of finishing in last place that I run balls to the fricking walls the whole time. This used to make me want to vom but I have more or less grown used to the torment. I won't go as far to say that I love it, but it's only 3 miles and what could happen?

Just a little Portland race on a pretty nice evening.

I had not had the very best most magical day and needed a solid run to cheer me up.

And we all know then when angsty I run like hell.

And run like hell I DID... And did NOT look pretty doing it (see below for proof)

I finished 12th overall and was the 2nd place woman.

With a 20:54. PR!

This picture says "I hate this and I hate you!"
Gahd I look like hell.
Why am I alone here?? Um, look at how scary I look THAT'S WHY!
I need to leave that angry face at HOME!
(or not, since intimidating might be my middle name? hah!)