My Healthy Diet. NOT! Part 3: The "P" Diet

Eating is one of my favorite things. That may have been covered a few times on here but I like to reiterate lest you all forget.

However! There seem to be certain times when I have to be very smart and cautious about what I eat: as in, before racing, increasing my mileage or speed or (oddly) when the weather warms up suddenly. If I eat things above and beyond my extra healthy and approved by the authorities (myself) diet then trouble erupts, literally. VOM. DOT. COM. Or horrific runners trots, want details? I thought NOT.

The trick, my friends is to eat a diet that encompasses all of the important foods in life that start with the letter P. (to prevent things that start with the letter P.)

So I present to you, THE P DIET (for PRE race as well! More P's!)

-Pretzels (oh pretzels, I love you but am rather sick of you.)
-Purple Gatorade
-Peanut butter (preferably on the pretzels)
-Pickles
-Pepto Bismol

Oh, and candied ginger. That is fairly critical but doesn't start with a P. That's OK ginger, you're still mah belly's friend!

Clearly this diet is the key to all my success! I stick a lot of these items in my face fairly close to race/run time and it has done the trick so far. Usually if it's an AM race I'll try to eat a bagel, or a granola bar, or my infamous daily feast of Greek yogurt with almonds (although that particular item has been known to cause me some pain....) Then I chow down on all those P items which can be rather tormential.

Things I can not eat without having to make an emergency pit stop:
-Bananas
-Fibrous fruits: as in most of them
-Anything rich and creamy. Turkey Tetrazzini is my mortal enemy!
-Lots and lots of coffee... I'll pee myself. And other stuff.
-Cold Water. UGGGH! VOMMMM!
-Fried clams (I don't know this for a fact but my Dad offered some to me before a race and I was like NO! GOD! WHY! DAD!... Typical!)
-Eggs, oh noooo. No, no, no. Just No.

After a race I can eat whatever I want. Usually a BLT with extra bacon and a side of pickles and olives (salt anyone?!) Maybe some ice cream. Definitely beer as soon as the clock indicates that it is an appropriate hour. Candy, like cow tails, sour patch kids, air heads, tootsie rolls and sour watermelons all make the elite cut. I don't eat all of this in one sitting but some combination of the aforementioned definitely gets put on my plate (or shoved directly in my mouth!) With a beer on the side. KayThanxBye.

I'm curious to know what the rest of you can and can not eat before a serious run?
Anything you especially look forward to after a super speedy race?