Monday, March 7, 2011

I fought the treadmill... and the treadmill won?

Despite spending the week declaring that I was going to bypass my weekly long run what did I end up doing yesterday? Well, besides spending my day teaching a gazillion riders in truly horrific weather (thank you indoor arena, for keeping the business trudging along) I went to The Gym to log in a 10 miler.

Disaster! The best treadmill (and the only one with a fan) was occupied by one of the infamous slow walkers. Get off the good treadmill, slow walker!! Go and use the ones that LIKE to go at 1.8 MPH, come ON!

I digress. Not wishing to wait 3 hours for SW to complete his 0.45 walk I hopped on the second to worst treddy. The very worst one bounces and will make one bleed because it has little bolts sticking wayyyy out which I tend to smack my hands into. Needless to say I make every attempt to avoid that one as I do not wish to need stitches at the end of a run. It seems at this point that the 2nd worst Treadmill is inches away from becoming the WORST. It has about 3 feet in the grave as it was not just bouncing, but it was also grinding in a worrying manner and would occasionally let out a whoop of fury.

I got about my business, ignoring the wild protesting from the dreadf***er and attempted to ignore its moans of anger/impending death. At mile 6.9 after treating it gently and with love (avoiding the incline! Not going over 7.8 MPH!) it had had enough. Letting out one last shuddering gasp it came to a screeching halt and died, unceremoniously throwing me off the back end in a surprised and sweaty heap.

OH SHITBALLS! I exclaimed, trying many means of CPR in a valiant attempt to breathe life back into its cold, still features. After having zero luck in the life saving department but with a keen desire to salvage my workout I sprinted to the better Treadmill which the slow walker had fortunately disembarked from.

Feeling decidedly nervous that I was going to have my membership from THIS gym revoked I mentally penned the note that I felt the need to leave for the owners. "I might have killed your treadmill....." "your treadmill almost killed me...." "It was on its last legs anyway!" Feeling paranoid about the whole situation I pounded out the last 5K of my workout in 23:22 which is astonishing since it came at the tail end of a distance run. Nothing like a little speed on the last stretch, right?

After my epic sprint to the imaginary finish I walked back into the main room, prepared to pay my penance (or at least leave a "I'm Broken" sign on the TreadStupidFace.)

WHAT did I FIND? The little AssHat running along JUST perfectly, with a slow walker marching along on it. What was THAT all about? Did it just need a little break? I was completely baffled by the strange second life that it had found but also relieved that I was not going to get given the boot for treadmill murder.

I have to say that the point in this round goes to the treadmill, despite the fact that as I was picking myself up off the ground I was having an evil "HA! I killed you suckah!" thought. It managed to throw me, get a break then was resurrected in time for me to see that I had not managed to sink it... so very odd!


  1. Very funny.....maybe not to you at the time. I fell off a TM once - yeah that was embarrassing and it hurt - but I have never had one die on me.

  2. Yeah...I've had 3 kids. Me and bouncing treadmills-not a good mix:)

    No treadmill deaths or reincarnations around here but I have fallen on my face at the gym. I have to hop off at one hour and write my mileage on the white board behind me because the TM's shut off. Then, I hop back on and start up again and try not to lose a step. Well, one should never jump onto a still moving belt....Ouch to the body and the ego!

    Nice work on the strong 5K at the end!!

  3. I have managed to space off and not pay attention to where I'm running on the treadmill, and have crashed into the hand rails on the sides before. That is always enjoyable! I feel like too much of an idiot to check and see if anyone saw it.

  4. And THAT is why the other gym declined your membership :P

    LOL... I am glad you survived and were, in fact, triumphant!

  5. Hmmmm that on again off again mill sounds possessed to me. Nice peppy run despite all the distractions!

  6. I hear ya sister. I'm currently working out in a gym that's on my sister's building, so you can imagine how the treadmills are... but since I'm in Brazil for the summer and, well, it's summer, running outdoors isn't always the very best choice 'cause you can like die under the heat lol. And I'm too lame to wake up at 6am to run on vacation, so the treadmill awaits for its victory over my lameness.

    hahahaha Your posts never fail to crack me up! LOL You go gal! At least you exorcised the demon out of that treadmill, hun? :D