June recap, and why 2012 was a fast year.

I can't believe that it is already July 1st- June was the fastest month ever. I wish that I could say that about miserable months like February but no, those months take forever. *typical*

June was good month of running. I did not set any distance or speed records but that was not the goal! If I remember correctly my goal mileage was 100- well up from last years rather piddly 40-something. I'm giving myself some righteous head pats for exceeding my goal by a small amount, I eeeked out 112.3 miles. That point three is critical and rather annoying as I prefer to have nice round numbers.

The big excitement of my month of running was taking on Strava's Everest Challenge. You had to complete 7,257 feet of climbing to "win" and this prompted me to do some pretty absurdly hilly runs. It was possibly the most fun I have had in a while (go figure, my definition of fun is a bit off.) Anyway, good motivation to step off the beaten path. (I exceeded the goal here by a smidge too and ran about 700 extra feet, straight uphill bitches.)

There was a lot of THIS.

What I did not focus on last month was any sort of tempo work, or speed at all. Most of the time I'm not even thinking about speed in the middle of the summer but I am planning to run the 4 on the 4th on Saturday. Oooofffff. I doubt that any records will fall (actually I know they won't- 2012 will hang on forever and always as my fastest year ever.)

Back in 2012 I certainly did not think that all of these years later I'd still be chasing the PR's I set then but that is the fact of the matter.
My marathon PR was made in the Fall of 2014 (and I have "new" 1 and 5 mile PR's from 2014) but otherwise, 2012 still holds on.
Why the hell? On my run yesterday I gave this some serious thought and figured it out.

-In 2012 I gave zero fucks. I ran like a lunatic and the thought of blowing up mid course did not bother me. *BRAAAAWWW GET OUTTA MY WAY!!!!*

-In 2012 I felt the need to "justify" the time I was putting in to my running. I did this by running balls to the walls all the time. every day. but mostly while racing.

-In 2012 I was dealing with some emotional bullshit and huge life changes. I was a little pissed off and I run phenomenally well when I am angry (I'd rather be slow and happy.)

-Due to said BS I was a couple pounds lighter than I am now. (only a couple, but I'm short. 1 damn pound is more dramatic on me than on a 6'5" dude!)

2012 when I was FAST!!! MAD!!!! Pink socked!!!!

That couple pounds makes the difference in me feeling like an awesome rockstar (like I do now) or feeling tired, and getting injured easily (like I did then.) Yeah, I was fast. But my current weight is my healthy weight and that's that! I did reflect during this time, and to this day, that the weight/speed conundrum could be a slippery slope. I'm very lucky to have a healthy view on food/body and being healthy is my number one priority. No fast race is, or ever will take top billing over having health and energy!

My feeling is that I might never get back to those faster times at the shorter distances. I'm not needing to justify my hobby to anyone anymore (like myself!) So perhaps running like there is a fire behind me is a thing of the past. Perhaps not. Never say never! (like, there might be an actual fire you know?)
I enjoy running SO much more in 2015 then I did back then- I am healthy, uninjured, I have a blast on my adventures and I still get pumped to race.
I'm pretty sure that eventually I can bring my marathon time back into the upper 3:20 range and that is my goal for the fall season, barring unforeseen shenanigans.
So for now, I'll use the shorter races as tempo workouts without having any pressure or disappointment.
After all, racing is always an adventure and adventures are my favorite!

The *best* way to start the New Year....

There is nothing, and I mean NOTHING that gets the New Year off to a good start like a pustulating case of pink eye paired with a wracking, hacking cough.

Yep, The winter plague hit and hit hard! So very, very gross.

I suppose, once you peel away the layers of germs, one can try to make the best of a rather nasty situation.

Case in point:
-The weather has been chilly. Might as well be sick!

As it turned out my weather app was *totally* exaggerating. It was a balmy -15.

-It's really too early for me to "seriously" Boston train. I'm not an 18 week plan girl. I'm like a 4 week plan girl. Which is not exactly ideal and one of my sick day goals is to figure out a proper training strategy, one which involves more running and less slamming down bottles of cough syrup (gross.)

I love how much inspiration I add to my Believe Journal... #sobrave

 -As an equestrian I don't technically get sick days unless I have a fever of 103.9 or similar so I have continued to enjoy the delight of winter time stall mucking, dressage horse wrangling (sassy beasts) and teaching of the future generation. It's all been good, actually. Takes my mind off the residual gunk in my lungs.

Who can think about their Typhoid when you teach cute littles like this??

While I have not had a particularly inspired start to the year in running it is really no big deal. It's better to get all this absurdity out of the way while the temps are treacherous! I have managed to get a few miles in (on my treddy, more on some of my better treadmill workouts later!) And I scampered back to yoga today to contort my rigid body into unimaginable positions of self improvement. I love yoga. (I really do, that is not a lie.)

I plan to be fully recovered soon (as in tomorrow) and back to my normal shenanigans!

A post about everything. EVERYTHING.

I seem to be on a monthly blogging schedule!
I feel like I have accumulated enough interesting things to say to justify a post at this point!
And since it is doubtful that I will blog again until October here is a little of everything. 

Let's see...
Well, Eric and I got married this past weekend!
And clearly, we ran a little race first.
I guess "racing" is not exactly what happened- Eric's Mom threw us and the family a big fun party that evening. So basically the way it played out was that we got there, drank a beer, ate some snacks and ran as best we could after such shenanigans. It was quite a good time!
I totally wore a veil. When else can you do that?!

The guy with the stroller beat us. Whatever ;-)

Then the next day we got married.
It was a helluva party. Seriously, so much fun!
I know this is not a wedding blog but honestly- things were so easy and so great that at some point I might write about details. I feel like bragging, ok? :-)

Laughing. As usual.... All the love!

The wedding party was a great time but (not to be sappy) the day was really about marrying my best friend and how happy we are to be together. We also really like our families and loved having a party where we focused on mingling, taking silly pictures, eating delicious food and high fiving many times.
I noticed later that night that the internet had legit blown up with #bradlowski
You. Are. Welcome.

Yeah, we wore Chucks for the afterparty. Well, Eric wore them all day which is awesome. That is my sister on the right :-)

 

On the running front...
I just won an entry to the Maine Mile! I have never run a mile race so I think this will be super fun and also a PR just for showing up, which always makes things better.
I honestly do not know how I am going to do so I plan to run really fast and be happy with whatever I can do. Marathoners don't tend to train for sprinting but why not right? Maybe I'm destined to be a track superstar. Yeah!! (because.... speed. and mine is amazing)

Running in general is pretty great right now.
I have become aware that enjoying the journey is instrumental.
If every race "training cycle" is fraught with dreading the long run, hating the speedwork, struggling thru the intervals then what is the point.
I love running and enjoy racing- nobody is holding a gun to my head (or any of us casual runners heads) forcing us to do this- so running as a hobby needs to be fun at least most of the time.
This summer I have enjoyed running more than ever. Or, if nothing else, I have taken a step back towards becoming the runner I was several years ago- enjoying the road, accepting that I am only as good as I can be on any given day and meeting myself at that point. (which doesn't mean it is all magic and rainbows. but it is the majority of the time.)

On a running, but different note....
I decided to defer my Chicago entry to next year.
I worried for a moment (literally, a moment) that people might think I was sick, injured, chronically lazy, that maybe I had totally lost my nerve- and judge me but I really can't worry about that and it seems unlikely. I am none of those things and look forward to Chicago '15 when I will feel more financially comfortable with the (large number) of expenses involved. I can not enjoy running when I feel that my decisions are compromising my financial stability!

The good news- and in my mind it is REALLY good news- is that my October marathon is going to be MDI.
I love, love, LOVE running on MDI and I think the marathon there is second to none. As soon as I decided to dedicate my miles to training for that race I got really excited.
I had my first really good marathon on the island and after my yucky Boston this year I need a little MDI magic to put the mojo back into my marathon step.

I have a feeling that will happen! (and I really can not wait!!)

In which I talk about cross training in a nice way!

This winter I have only a couple races on the horizon. For a brief moment after Wednesday's 10K I got a feeling of nostalgia for the good old days when I had a race almost every weekend! That dissipated quickly when I remembered how much of that time I spent on the DL... Nothing says "No thanks, not again" like reminiscing about days spent with ice packs, a bag of icy cold peas shoved down my pants, the need to take out stock in my chiropractor's business....

The theme for this winter is to become stronger. I do indeed emphasize that over "faster" which I imagine my running buddies everywhere are cringing about. Faster should, in fact, be a logical by product of stronger and if so, awesome. I always want to get speedier, duh.

But right now? Stronger it is.

Skiing in zero degree temps is indeed crosstraining!

We all know I struggled with my left leg mildly from the time around GCI to after NYCM when I called it quits and took a couple of weeks off. While I still hesitate to call it an injury, as it did not sideline me, it certainly was a nuisance and a worry. The general consensus is that it was a combination of piriformis syndrome, a mild case of sciatica (nice, general term there...) and basic, boring overuse. In a nutshell it was infrequent stabbing pain in my ass. Fun!

I have had ZERO pain since late November. I most certainly feel that that particular leg is still weak and I am working hard with cross training and serious core/strength work to get it to buck up! I do feel that this is something I have 100% control over and that if I can achieve greater fitness I will not have a recurrence.

My non runner acquaintances are baffled that I could have trained all Summer/Fall the way I did and still come out of the season feeling as though I developed a major weakness.
But here is what happened.
Between GCI and Smuttynose I had a great Marathon training cycle- I built up some good running stamina but really neglected any form of cross training. I tended to favor the left leg slightly as it was having occasional painful flare ups. From the time that I began to taper for Smutty (mid September) to the time I finally took a break (Early November) I did little more than race, recover, try to maintain, race, recover and so on!
It was a good way to get thru a busy time but not a recipe for gaining any strength.

So while I might not have high running miles for the next 6 weeks or so I will be putting in very normal total hours of working out. Apparently, I have come to a place in my life where I deem this acceptable. Pre Boston I will ramp up the mileage per the norm, and look forward to that as long runs are definitely part of my lifestyle. This is the first time that I have really accepted forms of exercise other than running as legitimate workouts. Believe me, when you complete one of Kelsey's core routines if you aren't tired and a little (or a lot) sore, you aren't doing it right!!

Look closely. Those are bike rollers! Yikes!

I really hope to be a runner forever. I picture myself as a tiny 75 year old woman running Boston like a boss and finally winning my damn age group! Having life long running goals is a big motivator for staying as healthy and strong as I can. Some people can run 100 plus miles a week, every week and their bodies can handle it. I find that is not the ideal for me, at least not at this time in my life! I like to put in plenty of miles, and I certainly would enjoy a nice, relaxing 8 miles of pure junk over 40 minutes of core and TRX... But I can see that this is for the greater good so I embrace it, dammit!

So here's to you, by left butt/hip/piriformis! A better 2014 for all of us and lunges and squats for the win!

October Recap, so late it isn't even ok!!

It was crazytown up in herrrr all thru the month of October. Sometime during the middle of August Eric and I looked at the list of dates we were planning to be busy and basically said "shit."
The good news is that we got through it and it was fun!
Oh, on a side note- my recovery post NYCM was a breeze. Since I never "pushed" the pace I was quite mobile the day after and feeling very good by late on Tuesday. Apparently I have turned into one of those asshats who can run a 3:35 like it is NBD. That is just rude.... I kinda hate myself right now!

So, what did I do in October?

Miles Run: 104 which included a zero week #score

Races run: 2

BQ's: ONE! (also, one marathon PR. cha-ching!!!)
Number of races where it poured on me: ONE. See below.

Smuttfest slogfest

Number of times that I randomly placed 2nd in a half marathon: 1.... which may never happen again?
But hell, I'll certainly take it! I could get used to that top dog thang. Clearly I'm famous now.

Oh the FAME! The FORTUNE! ...what...?

Number of times I puked on my shoes: ZERO. Damn I'm making this a habit!

Number of horse shows attended 4 days post PR marathon. One, ouch.

Recycling pictures. A true sign of lazy blogging...

Number of trips to massage therapist and chiropractor: 4 (it clearly could be worse!)

Core/Crosstraining: Fuck that. Oh I'm lying, I actually made it to yoga on a semi regular basis. I promise that after my post insanity break that I will recommit to strength and all that crap. Blah blah.

Now that we are well into November I've had a bit of time to think about how nuts-o it was in October. I actually kinda enjoyed it and wouldn't hesitate to do it again. I don't think that marathons that close together make for an excellent second attempt but I was no worse for the wear which is nice.
I've had a few days off since and I am enjoying a little break! I am also looking forward to getting back into the swing of things for the winter season though. However, history has taught me that for every serious training cycle you need to chill out for a while if you want to stay healthy. so that is what I'm up to (for the moment....)

Recovery Week and other fun stuff!

I spent the entirety of last week recovering.
For the purpose of brutal honesty I must admit to the fact that I was agonistically , horifically sore after my big marathon effort. I was rather incapacitated. I only had one (partially) working leg. I was glad my parents house has a handicapped ramp because, doggone it, I used it. UGH to the EFFING UGH.
Shoot, after taking a look at the last paragraph I realize that I am not living up to any kind of blog standard here! Let me try again...

"After skipping thru the finish line of Smuttynose, throwing in a cartwheel for a premium photo op I proceeded to refuel with jugs of ice cold dairy beverage, eat half a slice of fat free cheese as amazing post running fuel, and do some easy yoga. The next day I awoke, refreshed and recovered to go on a 1.0 mile recovery run, then I proceeded to eat a recklessly decadent meal of a spoonful of air and part of a grilled squash.... I'm so proud of my ability to finish #sostrong when I basically did little or nothing during my training cycle!!!!! #OMG #naturalathlete"

HAH! The thing about having a little extra time during recovery is that you can discover some new blogs and have a laugh. (sorry. I'm like a little GOMI on here aren't I?!) (and needless to say, I'm sticking with my tried and true blog favorites, most of whom are runners, fewer of which are HLB's. funny stuff though, it made me glad that I eat real food!)

Anyway, in real life I was very sore.
I obtained a massage which was a horribly painful encounter. I cried.
Then, a few days later I got another one which was less sob inducing.
And then. I was fully recovered! It was like a miracle sent from heaven, for realz. I got back into the swing of running this week, and with the notable exception of some lingering hip pain all is well.

Oh and I also went to a horse show last weekend because that is the best thing to do after a week of one legged riding attempts. The good news is that I can ride better with one leg than most people can with two. Calm down, I'm kidding!

I was feeling quite good by show time and ready to kill it. Baffin (the red horse) put in a good test, brought the scores up from our yucky go at Regionals and snagged a middle of the pack ribbon (we like those.) Chauncy (the yellow horse) threw a major tantrum on Saturday, dug his heels in, and said "F**K YOU!!!!" I was rather apocalyptic.

A few images from said show

OK, you know how sometimes you have a killer training cycle, you have been hitting all your workouts but then get to the race and your legs and/or head check out at mile two? This was exactly the situation, but with a naughty horse instead of a pair of human legs. We spent some time sitting in the sun devising a plan of attack (minus the horse). Knowing, that if at mile 2 my head/legs said "Eff you dude, not gonna happen" I'd give them a little wake up call and remind them that they were TRAINED to do this!! I concluded that that was the course of action to take with Chauncy. So off we went, a little reminder was given in which I had to grit my teeth a bit and play the part of the stern trainer, and he went on to handily win his remaining classes. Little bugger!

I got back to running on Monday evening after a busy Holiday workday in which I taught many kids how to ride. I have eased back into it, 3 very simple runs this week at base pace. I know I'll be pretty slow for the next couple weeks, I know MDI is going to be a social training run and not a race, and I do not yet know what my NYCM plan is. Well, my plan is to rock it. We will see if the legs catch up to the brain!

How to fit it all in?!? The impossible question of the day...

So today I spent some time getting interviewed for an article (I am indeed *that* cool and famous!?)
Basically, being interviewed is like giving a deposition. Except without the lawyers and the imposing 12 foot dining table...
I kid!!! It was actually pretty fun although I did find myself struggling with coherency at times, although that is pretty par for the course with me. I can only hope that at the end of the editing process I sound as clever as I think I am in real life...
Anyway.

The one question that stumped me beyond all effing reason was this:
"How do you fit it all in? Running a barn is a full time job (plus overtime!) how does the running get fit it?"

Well apparently I have no idea. I had zero intelligent things to say about that because, it seems, this
has become such a way of life that I just do it. No fitting in required!
I gave this some thought post interview, since it had stumped me so badly.
I do have a lot going on in my day after all (but so do all of us...) So how DO I get all my shit done?

What I said in the interview is true. I get up kinda early. I am a terrible weekend friend (no late night drinking for me!) I would probably do an hour of some kinda dumb cardio daily anyway, so this isn't much different (well, with the notable exception of 3 hour long run days, and the fact that I rarely work out for less than 90 minutes... but who is really counting?)
Since I hear a lot of "I don't have tiiiiiiiiiiiiiime to exercise even for 20 minutes!!!" I decided that I would look at my daily schedule and see what I could figure out since clearly it can, and does get scheduled in to my daily life.

The key points!
It's about staying organized and somewhat on task.
It's about starting every day with some sort of plan, and sticking to it!
And it's about being accountable for your time. Don't "lose hours" surfing the FB and the Twitter.

I find that if I do things in chunks instead of a scattered clusterfudge of chaos it works well. For example, I don't ride a horse, run, clean a random stall, teach a lesson, ride again and so forth. My day usually goes a little like this, keeping in mind that it is not summer/camp season right now which would certainly change the structure of the day. (and the sun is still setting late enough for me to run in the PM)

-Get up. Ugh. Grumpy. Drink a coffee.
-Go to the barn, feed the equally crabby horses. Put them out.
-Eat my 1st breakfast and waste 30 minutes on emails, blogging, the twitter, the FB...
*side note. I get questions about what I eat. specifics to follow!*

Stuffing my FACE. Per the NORM.

-Barn chores time!!! I get it all done.

The world's smallest picture of me stacking the world's largest pile of hay.
It's all in a days work....

-Snack 2nd Breakfast. (I eat a LOT) Ride my pre lunch horse.
-Eat lunch (like I said. don't judge.)

Luckily this is NOT my lunch.
Well, it could be lunch 1 of 4.... Or a snack. Or half a snack?

-Finish riding (usually 2 more, sometimes 3)
-Yeah, yeah I'll probably grab more food....
-Teach lessons all afternoon.




Teaching the future dressage riders of America!

-Do afternoon chores, scheduling for next day, pertinent emails, texts, calls, bills.
-Go home, run. Run a lot. Run some more.

Running. A lot.

-Shower. Eat more food. Talk to Eric about all the things. Read other people's blogs. Watch Breaking Bad. Wish that there were more episodes of Firefly. Talk to Eric about that, and transition into conversations about all things geeky/how we are the athletic power couple/future plans/how and when to pay the property taxes.
-Nightcheck!
-Chocolate.
-BED.

So that is how it gets done people. With many snacks, fashion, high fives and determination.
And it's really no big deal. I don't have 77 children. I don't have a high maintenance husband. I DO NOT have a clean house, whoops.
So make priorities, get it done and let the house get dusty and the laundry stay unfolded!!

You are not me, but if you WERE!

You are not me, but if you were...

Duh, you'd be awesome.

Every now and then people ask me for suggestions on how to train, eat, recover and maintain a sleek, well groomed physique (ahem.) Since I am clearly an expert on all these things I am happy to help them out with wise words of wisdom and brilliant suggestions which stem from my years of expertise in all things running. And life.

 

Yes I am making fun of myself.

 

However, I do feel fully qualified on how to make myself as awesome as I can be. Pshhhh YES INDEED! Taking that into *serious* consideration I have compiled a list which should really help the rest of the world reach its full and amazing potential (at what, we are not sure.)

Read at your own risk. This is an awesome post.

You are not me, but if you WERE!!!
You would take compression, and matching, seriously!

No lie. During this epic training cycle I relied heavily on compression. I only use it for recovery but from socks to shorts to full on dead sexy pants I rocked it the eff out. And I am 100% convinced that it aided my recovery time significantly. This is actually a very helpful tip. Maybe the only one. I am not committed to any one brand of compression- pro compression has been sucky in the sizing department lately, Zensa's are almost always too big, 2XU is fine but costs ten thousand dollars... You get it. I don't have a favorite.

I also have a very cute dog. Too bad he is not too bright.

You would also.... Recover with BEER!!!

I will never run for team refuel with milk products. I can not imagine swigging down a creamy vat of dairy post race. BARF. After I chug some high quality h2o I grab a beer. Or two, apparently. Never more, because I am blindingly responsible and wish to be a fine role model for the youth of America. Which I am because it is practically un American to run a race and not to drink a beer, eat pizza, bacon and ice cream immediately thereafter.

I am a wonderful healthy eater and you should be TOO!!!!

 

All I can say to this is "YES PLEASE!!!"

Too bad I can NOT eat donuts before running. *sad face*

If you were me, you would buy your actual running food in BULK.

After years of searching for the correct nutrition for running I found it in these amazing little nuggets of happiness. If you have a picky belly get some damn picky bars. They are like magic for your mouth. And your GI tract. The unbelievable bonus is that they are delicious like candy and fabulously easy to eat and calorically dense and they have REAL ingredients. BIG FAN!

(this is another helpful tip which brings us to TWO! Success!!!)

 

 

If you were as much of a beast as I am...

You would learn to change your own tires. It beats waiting for help!!! (I'm not going to share my skills on HOW  to change a tire but it is actually as easy as picking up the manual... And practicing a few times. Even if you don't want to, haha...)

And those tire irons are really good weapons, should your Ninja skills fail you.

(FYI, my Ninja skills never fail me. But it is good to have a back up plan...)

 

If you were as fashion forward as THIS GUY!

You wouldn't always wear running skirts. But when you DO they would be Oiselle bum wraps and they would be awesome.

I am not a running skirt girl AT ALL NOT NEVAH!!! But I make exceptions for this one. It is all kinda functional but most importantly it is cute without being all frills and fluff.



If you need a little nap like I DO....

Apparently you would lie down in the sun and take a cuddle nap with your BFF. What can I say? We were a little tired. She has a super new baby and is Half Marathon training like a BOSS. I'm just lazy. That is all...

If you, UNLIKE ME, had a crazy streak...

You would HIDE your 50K race medal and fabulous extras. Because if you did NOT hide them they might be a constant reminder of how (if you were CRAZY) you might really want to do another 50K someday as legit redemption. Clearly, this is NOT a problem for me as I would never want to do such a crazy thing ever again. Ever. Yeah, that's right!

 

That brings us to the end of my amazing and helpful lecture on how to get better in all aspects of life. I am sure that this will be much appreciated by the entire internet and that everyone will eagerly await my next installment!

My top 5 favorite things about running.

After my less than glowing report about the Old Port Half I decided it was time to write about the things I love, love, LOVE about running. (because when it comes down to it, I might not love certain races- or every run- but those things don't take away from the fact that running and I are good friends.)

I'm a little fickle when it comes to naming my top favorites about running. I like a lot of things about it! (minus the excessive sweating, pain, agony,vomiting, and things of that nature.)

I goes without saying that I enjoy running. I've stuck with it thru thick and thin for several years now, I've pushed thru injuries, figured how to get a little faster, and have managed to make multi hour efforts somewhat entertaining.

So in 2013 what makes the list for my top 5 favorite things?

This has to do with running as a whole, not gear related. That could be a WHOLE other post, jeesh!

 

Pretty things!
I'm lucky to live in a beautiful place.
I honestly have enjoyed seeing many parts of my town, state and New England from a runners vantage point. Basically, I'm a sucker for a good view.
 

My amazing running outfits, DUH.
I love my duds. Period. The attire makes it fun!
(get new gear when you meet a running goal. very motivational!)

Fun people!
Not just Eric. Although he is very fun!
I have met some amazing friends thru running and think runners are good people.
Running is also a great way to spend quality time with friends (and healthier than drinking beers....)
 

Talking people into making many bad excellent choices!!!
Want to run a race tomorrow? Get there at 5:00 AM (ugh!)
Want to run a half marathon with all of us cool kids? You DO!!!?? YAYYY!
I LOVE how many of my friends have drank the cool aid. Whether it's a first time 5-K or Half Marathon it is exciting to see people get pumped about all things running. It makes my heart all warm and fuzzy.

The number one thing I love about running?
Tangible results.
You work hard, follow your plan and don't make excuses? You will see results.
No matter if you are a complete beginner or a top dog in the sport this is true. You aren't going to randomly bomb (or, randomly run 10 minutes faster than you expect) if you are training in a reasonable, consistent and challenging way.
There are no shortcuts. But becoming a better runner is something that anyone can do with a bit of effort, determination and dedication. And it is completely worth it because there is no better feeling than snagging a PR, setting a personal distance record or discovering you are strong enough to do things you never thought possible.

The top 5 Google searches that brought you to Middleaged Runner

The top 5 Google searches that brought people to my blog thus far, during the month of July.

Brilliant I tell you, Brilliant!!

I must vow to check up on this more often as I find it quite amusing.

"That Damn Butt"

All I can say about this is... "what what??" (but really, WHAT?)

"At mile 20 I wished to puke, at mile 22 I wished to DIE."

Well this is true! UGH!!!

"Peanut butter runner woman"

I am a woman and yet, not made of peanut butter...

"Hairy Armpit"

Obviously not around these parts. Not my thing...

"Are we done, NO are we done?"

HAHA!!! That one is funny. And a good caption for that picture as well.

Maybe I need to make this a monthly topic as I have not been this amused in quite some time.

The top 7 people who I will NOT allow to beat me in a race!

Since I have used a couple of races as training runs this year I have had some thinking time. I find that a non race pace allows me to think deep, profound thoughts rather then concentrate on my suffering. Apparently, when I have extra time to ponder I do not solve the worlds problems (so much for deep and profound) Rather, I count people as I pass them (rude) or I mull over who I will not accept being beaten by (this is rude too, but fun.)
Since I don't want to end up on GOMI (or do I..?? Hahah no I don't!) I think I'll say this: Y'all know I make more fun of myself than anyone so if this offends you calm down. If you happen to BE one of these people feel free to offer a rebuttal to justify your terrible choices. :-)

OK. Without further ado I offer up for your viewing and reading pleasure:
The top 7 people who I will NOT allow to beat me in a race!!!

WHAT???? I won't let Kara Goucher beat me!!??? 
Well, of course she can/would beat me!  She would kick my ass.
However! Do you see her teeny running knickers? If you wear those to the local Half Marathon and you are NOT Kara Goucher (or another amazing elite athlete) I will not let you beat me. Really ladies, don't do it. If you honestly expect to win the race then I'll cut you slack but if you are a: not going to and b: are not Kara Goucher steer clear. Just say no. This goes for men too. I don't think that would be good at ALL.
One of my twitter friends had a brilliant tweet yesterday saying if she ever became an elite that she would wear her race knickers every day, even to Wal-Mart. I second this statement. (but, being elite is key here!)

If you are running in a costume at a non-costume race you many not pass me.
Yikes. I'm not a fan.
Clearly I am a jerk who hates on all things fun.

This guy (well not actually this guy.)
THIS is the guy who runs the first mile at a 6:00 pace even though all his training runs have been at a 10:00 pace. The race was just too damn exciting and he sped off like a boss!!! Only to DIE at mile 1.1 and look like this when I pass him. Sorry dude!
I am against letting this guy beat me although I applaud his one mile of speed work.

The people at the start who say "I'm using this as a lead up to my mud run"
Or my color run. Or bubble run. Or glitter/confetti/make me barf run. Or obstacle race.
That's awesome guys but you may not beat me.

The dudes (or ladies) running a 5K in a Camlebak.
What? You need to hydrate so badly in a 5K that you tote your backpack along?
I can't accept this. Therefore, I will beat you. And then beat your backpack.

 

The Damn moose!!!
Except he is fast. And even in that costume has managed to beat me before!
NEVER again you MOOSE!!!!!
(I won't let him beat me in anything longer than a 5K though, so we are even...)

The NUMBER ONE person who will NEVER be allowed to beat me!!!
A man with a tramp stamp.
(although if it was Ted we'd just chat and I'd ask about the mother of his children, duh.)
(but it is impossible to find pics of tramp stamped men. it is a rare find. thank gahd)
But REALLY! At bands on the run there was a dude with a legit tramp stamp. After I stopped laughing I was like, ohhhhh no and I motored by him. I feel that I need a man with a questionably placed tattoo to chime in here because for the life of me I can't figure this one out.

Well that's it for today. Stay tuned this week for more top 10 (ish) lists,  updates on ultra training and pictures of me suffering horribly in the HOT humid weather!