My Healthy Diet. NOT!

As I expected the weather is remarkably heinous.
Which gives me time to ponder my existence. Or my eating habits...

I have been reading a couple of blogs this morning and have come to the conclusion that either I am either A: markedly flawed (which I seriously doubt because you just can't match this fabulocity...) B: Painfully unhealthy living in a world of JENK (again... meh) or C: I march to the beat of my own drum y'all and maybe the rest of you should hop on board for some fun good times?? or D: I need an ambush diet makeover..... DOOM!!!

Case in point.
(or... THE REALITY...)
-I have never eaten a chia seed. Those are for chia pets, sorry... I don't want chia grass growing in my digestive system. AGGGHHH!
-I have also never eaten tofu that did not make me vom a little in my mouth....
-I just ate a huge cheese danish. With real honest to goodness cheese, all sorts of wheat, preservatives galore and a high kick of joy (from me. not the danish cos it's in my belly.)
-Oh, and I also chugged a big coffee with 1/2 and 1/2 and sugar. And felt no guilt about not consuming whatever the trendy cancer fighting bevvie du jour is (green tea? with chia??)
-I like to drink beer. Period.
-I eat healthy stuff on the regular, for sure or I'd die. But I also eat steak. And potatoes. And chocolate. And cake. Whoot!!
-Luckily my blood pressure is quite good despite this nonsense.....

The potential challenge: (....not sure I'm up to it...)
-I would love to have an organic, health conscious possibly vegitarian chef come on over to my humble abode and cook for me for a few days. I would enjoy that very much and would probably develop a glow-from-within proving that a diet consisting of unprocessed veg and dairy free milk is the way to go.
OR maybe I'll try a week of healthy living (personal cheff free, boooo) just to see how it works out for me? If anybody wants to toss me a few easy starter recipies that would be the bombdiggity.
What defines a healthy diet? Organic? Vegitarian? Or just tossing a few veggies onto a cheeseburger? (I know that the answer to me is a balanced diet with a bit of everything. But that's me!)
What could I do to ambush makeover my diet in the name of an epic experiment for the ages? (eat tofu and chia seeds, OH NO!!!!)
Any thoughts are welcome.

(-I have to make this a huz friendly experiment. Let's remember that the man married me for my ability to make such delicious meatballs...)

(and don't ask me to give up beer..... but I'd give up cake for a week in the name of science.)