Sunday, March 11, 2012

Changes....

Remember that I indicated a week or two ago that things were changing here in my little corner of the world?
I am a firm believer that the interwebs are, perhaps, not the place in which to air ones personal and emotional dirty laundry. On the flip side of that, there are plenty of "us" out here who have faced some hardships, gotten thru them and been a better person on the other side.
I'm getting divorced... Mr Middleaged and I are no more.
This has been a while in coming, and while emotionally I'm a little rocky I think (on some level) (I hope) we both know this is for the best. I do.....
I thought we had done everything right, dating for years before living together, living together for years before getting engaged, long engagement- and the list goes on. However, in relationships (as well as in life) it is almost impossible to cover your bases carefully enough to safeguard against all the surprises that life can throw at you.
This winter has been a time of low lows, and dramatic realizations. Of intense self reflection and the discovery that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. Moments when I acutely realized that despite everything I still know who I am, what I want and am luckier than I ever thought possible- despite going thru one of the most difficult times that I can remember.
Moving forward from this I am astonished by the number of people who have come out of the woodwork with difficult relationship stories of their own, who are amazingly supportive and have given me the boost I need to make tough choices. On the surface some of these choices seem so glaringly obvious, but when you are living your own life you can so easily become blind to what you are used to..... Everyone comes to a time, in some part of their life when they have to take the hardest step that they can imagine. But once you take that step you get the perspective you need to continue down the right path for in life, which enables you to be (or become) the best, happiest "you" that you can be....
I'm now starting a time in which I can say "well, that was a first" words which have not crossed my lips in a long while. Some firsts are bitter, some are sweet. Every new first I have is a little step forward in my new life and a reminder of why I am ok with the conclusion of this chapter in my life....
I doubt that, despite the level of reflection in this post, that the overall tone of my blogging will change. I still am who I am (for better or worse) love what I love and still firmly believe that one can never pin their happiness on anything that has legs and can walk away. (and I still try to be funny at awkward times!)
So onward and upward from here, one day at a time, repeating my long run mantra "left foot, right foot, one step at a time....."

10 comments:

  1. Your strength is amazing and applaud you for doing what is right for you. Yes, onward and upward...

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm so sorry that you're going through this! But, I am so pleased for you that you are moving ahead in life, and most importantly, realizing you are strong enough to deal with whatever comes your way. Take care and use that running for therapy. It's hard to be sad when you're pooped from running and feel like tossing your cookies :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I've been there, and even though you KNOW it's the right thing to do, it's still unbelievably difficult. So remember to take care of you during this huge change! Onward and upward is right on.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I don't have any words of advice to offer, because I have no idea what you're going through, but I wanted to know that I read this, and I feel for you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Been there. You have a great attitude.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Take care. It must be hard no matter what to end something you have spent so many years on. But it sounds like you are moving in the right direction. May there be more sweet firsts than sour ones.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sending good thoughts your way. This is a very difficult thing, and I hope the best for you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I don't really know what to say, but life wouldn't throw things at us it knows we cannot handle. You know you have support around you if you need it during the tough times. Keep your head up.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Been there, done that. It's the hardest thing you will do, but ultimately - you will be better. This is a time for you to be selfish of you and your time, to love YOU - so take it. My heart goes out to you...but I'm also excited for you!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Reconciliation is a tough thing. Alot of the time we get caught up in the world's thinking that its all about us, our own happiness, for whatever cost. At the same time not realizing the hurt we've done to others. So as you move forward and get your life "back on track" I pray for healing on both sides and that both will see the wisdom in right decisions and find a peace. Don't forget to surround yourself with good people, loneliness is a torturing thing.

    ReplyDelete