Wednesday, March 14, 2012

The Divorce Diet

THANK you everyone, for your kind words regarding my last post. Much appriciated....

I think that all my loyal blog followers know that I'm a rather little girl. Like, built like a legit 12 year old boy kind of lady (not even a 12 year old girl- they actually might have a curve or two...) The LAST thing I need is any kind of diet- unless it is a diet based solely around cakes and red wine, designed to fatten me up!

Dudes, getting a divorce is stressful. (to be honest- that is not entirely true. The months LEADING to a divorce suck massive balls, but the actual paperwork involved? Easier than going to the DMV to renew your licenece. HMMMM, what does THAT tell you...?)
Anyway, back from my tangent.

I put on my skinny jeans a few weeks ago and they felt oddly baggy. "HMMMM" I said "I must need to wash/dry these suckers." Which seemed perfectly logical at the time. After doing that I hopped back into them (and we all know that climbing into skinny jeans can be a bit of a wriggle- but they slid right on...) And- BIG SHOCK, still baggy.

SO. I took stock of my outfits.
Pants: Too baggy
Cute tops: Saggy, floppy, ill fitting.

Damnit, Damnit. Damnit.

Apparently I've lost 10 pounds off my already teensy little boyish frame. NO!
The really sucktastic thing? Most of it seems to be from my butt and boobs- SO unfair, COME ON!! Why couldn't it have vanished from my rather solid looking thighs? OH, NO it had to shrink the ta-ta's down to double A's and make my poor posterier all but vanish.

I have been keeping up a steady diet of all things high calorie in an attempt to fatten up like a foie gras duck, but in VAIN! The good news, is that I'm holding steady at current slightly underweight weight and I figure that within a couple weeks perhaps the intake of pie, fries, peanut butter, and steak will catch up with me and kick me in the butt (hopefully in the butt. and boobs...)

Until then, I bought a new pair of skinny jeans (hence to be named Divorce Denim.) We'll count the days until my booty looks too J-Lo to wear them anymore!


  1. Glad you were able to find a little light through all of this...and hooray for new skinny jeans! Thinking of you!

  2. Sorry to hear about the divorce--I can only imagine how hard it must be. And I have to say--I am envious of the loose jeans!

  3. I am a terible follower
    I missed the previous post
    I am sorry you are going through the big D. This has to be so hard. I hope the next chapter brings you happiness. and no more weight loss. :)

  4. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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