Tuesday, June 4, 2013


So as expected the alarm went off at 4AM and Eric and Andy were instantly READY TO GO!
We told them to do just that as we needed 5 more minutes. Boys...!!
The first stop was coffee at Dunks, although we were clearly tempted by the fanciness that is McDonalds which was right across the street. Barf...
Brilliant FB post inspired by the grossness of Mickey Dees..

We noticed that the temp was already 72 degrees. "How can THAT be good??" Kate mused..
Shortly thereafter traffic came to a screeching halt.
Apparently leaving 5 minutes after the super twins did NOT pay off. They hit NO traffic!

Awwwwwwww shit.

Fortunately we had plenty of time and the traffic actually moved pretty smoothly along. Definitely a plus for the location- plenty of parking. And plenty of porta potties and a REAL bathroom for those of you who indulged in a McTriple...
One of the first things we noticed when we arrived was a very enthusiastic cheerleader of a guy, dressed in a cape and crown and just harassing the bejeebus out of people. My first thought was that he was the Burger King (my mind was still on the McTriple apparently) and for the rest of the day we saw the Burger King enthusiastically shouting at people. He was everywhere. And he was PUMPED.  It was funny and we want to know who he is and what's his story?!

We walked to the beach to watch the Pros start.
My Boston jacket is just denial, it was already quite warm. Muggy. A nice beach day!

Eric had already pumped up Kate's tires so we had plenty of time to take pics.

Stashing multiple water bottles.
Which would be gone by mile 3...
Notice the guy body gliding his balls in the background? Sorry dude... HAHAHA!
Oh Eric! So manly and tough!

I am always convinced that people are going to drown during the swim but I was less concerned when I saw that they had a party barge, about 40 kayakers and a bunch of paddleboarders playing lifeguard. What a paddleboarder would do is a bit of a mystery to me but perhaps they just act as a flotation device. If I ever swim I plan to just grab onto one of them and have them tow me in!

Off they go!!

Eric is never scared of swimming so he jumped in and took off in a sea of  churning orange capped bodies. Knowing we didn't have much time Kate and I hustled to the bathroom (for the 400th time) and devised a plan where I would scoot down to the swim finish and text her as Eric came out of the water. Then I'd RUN to the bike start to send her off!
Kate sent me some texts in the 4 minutes that followed.
Wise words.

We absolutely noticed that the relay teams were SERIOUS. Legit athletes. Shaved legs, backwards rhino helmets, body-glided balls, the works.
And the fight to avoid a last place finish began. BWA HAHAHA!
Right on schedule Eric leaped out of the water in 36 minutes, noting that the sun had gotten in his eyes making a straight swim a bit challenging. He was fast though and right on schedule! And good looking too which is a huge plus.
I sprinted to the bike start and yelled a bunch of useful things like "BE SMART DAMMIT! GO FAST BE CAREFUL WHOOOOOO!!!" And like an aqua streak of lightning she was off.

ZOOM! Off she goes!

We managed to fill the time with a variety of entertaining things. I drank a lot of water and Gatorade so I had to pee many times. We watched the pros come in off the bike and start the run which was exciting! I ate some food. We sat on rocks in the shade with Eric's coach and watched as some of our friends came in, hot and sweaty, from the bike. the word on the bike course was that it was "Hot, relentless hills and anyone who can manage it in 3.5 hours is a rockstar..."
About 3 hours after Kate left we started to formulate a plan for making the transition into the run since we really did not know when she'd be coming in. After Andy came thru we made a rough calculation, figuring that Kate went out 30 minutes after he did and she would need 20 minutes more on the course we concluded that if she had a PERFECT ride it would be about 12:10-12:20 when she arrived.
At 12:05 my butt was planted in the shade at the dismount line with the plan that as soon as I saw her I'd run to the bike rack. Much to our delight at 12:15 she cruised on in, hot and sweaty but good! No need for the med tent! I had no time to chat but as it turned out she had a very good ride over the brutal hills. Her finishing time was right in the 3:54 range so, as she had hoped, NOT ONE SECOND OVER 4 HOURS!!!
Apparently nobody loves me enough to take my picture as I run so I'm noticeably missing from my own blog!!! Sad face. I looked cute though and had a great outfit so hopefully I find some pictures later.
Anyway, off I went on the run. The first mile was really great because it was straight downhill. And THAT, my friends, was the ONLY downhill thru the whole course.
I can honestly say that it was the hilliest and hottest half I have ever run. I can't imagine coming into a race like this with a goal of being fast- it would have been rather demoralizing. Luckily, I had set reasonable goals for the day and knowing that gave me the ability to actually have quite a fun run. (fun is relative...)
That's not to be confused with easy though... I climbed the dirt road mountain at mile 4-5 and just had to laugh, it was brutal. Unrelenting. Around that time I started picking up fluids from the well stocked aid stations and just couldn't get enough down- I was already shockingly hot and the Gatorade was SO COLD that I instantly developed horrible side stitches. Regardless, I was better off than the poor triathletes who looked totally finished. I can not imagine trying to run after such a brutal bike course, they are a bunch of tough cookies. Who were tossing their cookies on the roadside, ugh I've been there.
I saw a LOT of people that I knew! I saw Julia twice who claimed to be hurting but looked strong. I saw quite a few people from TSA all of whom said the same exact thing "the heat is kicking my ASS!" I saw Big Tall Ben!  I also chatted a bit with some friendly strangers who hated me because I was running not walking, so I apologized many times for being a little cheating ahole relay runner. I counted that I passed 207 people (I had to do something to keep my mind off my misery!) (I did not count people who were vomiting I asked those people if they needed help) and I did not count people in the bathroom line. If I had done the full tri and a relay runner had passed me I might have kicked them so I tried to be quiet and not a little showboating jerk like I sometimes am :-) I did pass 2 relay runners and I did not apologize to them, haha...
The last mile was legit awful, straight up a hill and I was about cashed at that point.
The Burger King and his merry men totally jumped on me in the last 0.25 and ran me in with great enthusiasm! I was a bit discombobulated and totally missed seeing a whole flock of friends at the finish including Kate and Eric who found me shortly thereafter. Thank heavens as I was lost and wandering aimlessly...
My finish time was 1:51 and dudes, I was hot. I was fine but just radiating heat. The only logical thing to do was jump in the lake so that happened.
We met our goal of not coming in last as we finished 7th with a final time of 6:24:10. PHEW.
Once again, I can not fathom being a solo athlete facing such a course alone! Definitely not a goal of mine. But a giant congrats to the badass triathletes who conquered that beast of a course!!
All of us were pleased with how we did on such a tough day. When I asked Kate and Eric how they felt about it here is what they had to say:
Eric: "Well, the swim was very flat....!"
Kate: "The course was challenging, technical and at times unrelenting. But fun!" (what she actually meant if you read between the lines is BITCH SHIT HILLS!!!!
Despite the heat, etc it was a good fun event, well run, nice BIG medals, and lots of helpful people to answer questions which I always appreciate. I am VERY excited to do Rev3 OOB on an incredibly badass all women's team in August. from the looks of things it is considerably more flat and after this weekend that is music to my ears! (and a big congrats to Julia for her podium finish! super pumped to have you on the OOB team, it's gonna be incredible!)


  1. Great job on a tough course! Please please don't pass by me too quickly at OOB. I'm going solo for the 70.3.

    What am I saying? I probably won't even see you anyway. I'm pretty sure whoever you have swimming and biking is way faster than I. lol

  2. Oh man - you had a great race!!!!! It was far too fast. I kept waiting to read "then I passed Andy like he was standing still". Damn. Sad face.

  3. I read a different report on this race and the conditions sounded awful. Good job to all of you!

  4. @Jen -.- My bike was far to good for her to have any chance of catching me... *cough*especially with the 30 min head start*cough*

    1. Well technically I DID catch you. That head start saved you from the embarrassment of having me blow past you like it was NBD ;-)