Friday, April 1, 2011

In which we discover that I can outrun the long arm of the law....

Oh. Hello BLIZZARD! Thought/hoped you might be a big bad April fools joke. Guess we know who the fools are now....

I am having a challenging time picturing myself running my planned itty-bitty 3 miler in this shiz. I expect that I would be run over by a snowplow, lost in a whiteout or hit by a car and lost forever in one of the still towering snowbanks. I'm not in a good mood about this storm. The grouch is threatening to overtake my usually oh-so sunshiney nature.

Since running seems to be on the bottom of the to-do list (half marathon, you go run yourself will ya??!!) I'll venture off on a tangent.

I ran (umm, drove) out yesterday evening (with the rest of the free world, all whipped up into a pre storm frenzy of hysteria. sigh.) to do some stupid errands.. I was getting em' done! Makin' the headway! Avoiding almost everyone I know to prevent chit-chatting delays (and I was straight from the barn. hat on head, nasty ski pants on, stinky sweatshirt firmly in place. I know I'm a stone cold fox, I can go out any way I damn please and turn heads... because people are freaked out/disgusted! hahah.)

ANYWAY. I like to multi task when I'm out and about so I was driving from point A to B while returning a phone call. I was driving at 0.2 miles per hour to adhere to traffic laws when suddenly I saw a Cop sneak up behind me. "Uh OH!" I exclaimed to the person on the other end (my Hay guy, calling me about the logic and reason of having a street sign put up on my veryvery long driveway for 911 purposes. Bet y'all didn't know that Hay guys are also the 911 guys? So confusing...) In my head I was ready to give Mr. Hay Guy full responsibility if I had done something to attract attention from a cop. I enjoy passing the buck, avoiding blame/responsibility and so forth. But I digress... I flung the phone aside, thinking hard about what sorts of traffic violation I could have made when sure enough the blue lights went on. Frantically, I looked at myself in the vanity mirror and discovered that flirting my way out of anything would be challenging in my condition- which was messy. Damnit!

I stopped. He stopped. I was confused. Mr. Cop got out of his car and kinda.....skulked all around my car for a minute. "WHAT did I DO??" I shouted, smoothly, out the window. "Well... I thought you had a plate light out... but you don't." Oh.KAY?? "do you currently have a warrant out for your arrest?" He arbitrarily asked. "Ah. about that..." (NO!) Just kidding, I was obviously like, NO! WTF? He took my licence and said "well, this is embarrassing. BUT look! Your inspection has expired!" **sigh** Having no womanly charm to fall back on I was relieved that he simply gestured for me to leave, and off I went.

The HELL??

I should be fully invisible in the granny like Corolla that I drive but this is not the first time that I have been pulled over for nothing! GAHD! I was amused and perplexed. It was very April Fools like- but a day early. My feeling was that once again- the bizarre had struck its favorite target. ME.

I was thinking that my Hay Guy was really going to take the piss out of me for being such a hardened criminal when I finally called him back to continue our (slightly bizarre- big shock there) conversation about the 911 capabilities in my town. (Which clearly are not as good as the 911 capabilities in the town I got pulled over in, since they saw my delinquent self driving around and really got on the hop.) However, at this point most of the people in my life are so used to me coming up on the wrong side of the law that this was like, old news.. no big deal! (kidding. I'm a model citizen.)

So. Avoiding arrest, handcuffing, booking or at the very least a warning for an overdue inspection sticker was a good way to finish up my day. Sigh...


  1. bhahahaha, glad you didn't get arrested. I hear prison is a bitch!

  2. This has me worried. I drive an old red Toyota pick up truck--the kind that looks like it might have a stash in it somewhere... (not!) I will have to be extra careful I don't look suspicious at all when driving around town.

  3. hahaha...that's a hilarious post! Also, I'm glad to know I'm not the only person who goes out to run errands looking like a homeless person.

  4. I got pulled over more in my granny-like Corolla... they must be cop magnets!
    So glad you got off scot-free :)

  5. Ha! I always get freaked out when I'm on my phone and see a cop - but I've never considered them pulling my over for something else while I'm chatting away!